12.27.2004
Every day is special for gift giving. Not just Christmas.
Sara and I are going on a date tonight. It's going to be so fun. We're planning on going ice-skating. I've never done it so i'm pretty excited.
My trip home was chill. I got to see everyone I wanted to see and stayed away from bullshit as much as possible. I stayed at Cera's house for a couple days and drank a lot of beer. She's been hanging out with some new people that I don't know and it's strange to me. I used to know everyone is that fucking town. now I hardly know anyone she hangs out with.
I got to go to Florence indoor skatepark with Micah Bikah. It was so much fun. They're building a pocket with a hip on the backside of the 6 to 8ft ramp.
Other than that I got to hang out with my dad a lot and we played some chess and just chilled. We watched a lot of tv and he told me a couple stories a couple times.
all Love
Sara and I are going on a date tonight. It's going to be so fun. We're planning on going ice-skating. I've never done it so i'm pretty excited.
My trip home was chill. I got to see everyone I wanted to see and stayed away from bullshit as much as possible. I stayed at Cera's house for a couple days and drank a lot of beer. She's been hanging out with some new people that I don't know and it's strange to me. I used to know everyone is that fucking town. now I hardly know anyone she hangs out with.
I got to go to Florence indoor skatepark with Micah Bikah. It was so much fun. They're building a pocket with a hip on the backside of the 6 to 8ft ramp.
Other than that I got to hang out with my dad a lot and we played some chess and just chilled. We watched a lot of tv and he told me a couple stories a couple times.
all Love
12.15.2004
I'm releasing the panes
the shards and remains
of memories left burning
Ghosts on the wall
through charcoal rubbings
and they found mr. blunt
waiting in the ashes
All these things to explore
and it seems like no one is looking
you're painting shadows hoping
someone will see the light
we take the express
find it a dress
and someone will say it's pretty
the shards and remains
of memories left burning
Ghosts on the wall
through charcoal rubbings
and they found mr. blunt
waiting in the ashes
All these things to explore
and it seems like no one is looking
you're painting shadows hoping
someone will see the light
we take the express
find it a dress
and someone will say it's pretty
12.14.2004
I'm getting back in the swing of things here at the studio. It's cold as shit. It snowed today and there's a little on the ground. I hate it.
Thank you very very much Al for hosting my song. Anyone who wants to hear some of my music can save target as and listen. I hope you like it. You should e-mail me or comment here what you think. I'd really like some feedback. Haha!
We have a model coming in for us to draw tonight. It should be fun. I don't really draw that much so I might jump in.
Thank you very very much Al for hosting my song. Anyone who wants to hear some of my music can save target as and listen. I hope you like it. You should e-mail me or comment here what you think. I'd really like some feedback. Haha!
We have a model coming in for us to draw tonight. It should be fun. I don't really draw that much so I might jump in.
12.13.2004
12.08.2004
Sara is a fucking machine. She stayed up all night working on these two drawings that her prof didn't even like. She worked so hard and got little to no feedback. It hurt. So now I'm with the shell of Sara and we're at Bill's. I want to get into talking about all her friends (hopefully soon to be my friends as well) but I'll wait until I get out of Baltimore.
I finished reading Everything is Illuminated. Very well written book. I'm still cogitating on my feelings about it though.
Sara is wearing me out just watching her. Baltimore is not for me, but Sara is and this is where she is. I used the word 'is' a lot just then.
I finished reading Everything is Illuminated. Very well written book. I'm still cogitating on my feelings about it though.
Sara is wearing me out just watching her. Baltimore is not for me, but Sara is and this is where she is. I used the word 'is' a lot just then.
12.07.2004
I decided this evening that I have officially reached my chemical intake level. It would be really unwise for me to do any more drugs. I've already done enough damage for one lifetime and I can't afford to hurt myself anymore.
This happened when I thought I was dreaming while I was awake. THis is not good. At first I thought that I was IN a dream but then thought that maybe I was living a dream that I had previously. It was strange. Too much.
It's very difficult for me to understand what MICA can do for Sara that some other school can't. I want Sara to be closer to cincy and that's a conflict that I've tried to keep to myself. We talked about it tonight and she explained that this is what she wants. I can't argue with that. I can't ask her to leave here. I can't ask her to do anything that she doesn't want to do and I wouldn't anyway. If she told me how happy she was here then I could enjoy it for her. As it is now, I'm glad she's working hard and I'm proud of what she's doing. I'm stoked that she worked hard to get here and now she is. I really like her friends a lot. They are all wonderful people and I can see how much she enjoys their company. It's just that I'm selfish and I want to hold on to her goodness.
I hope that she continues to work hard and she can be happy as well. I think that one day she'll realize that I'm a complete loser. She'll be successful and I will continue to struggle. I may have a future in writing. I am confident that I will write my first book in the next year. If I can get it published then I'll feel good about that. Just working on it will be enjoyable I think.
I'm so fucked up sometimes. I don't know if things will get better but I want them to and that's worth something right? Motivation.
This happened when I thought I was dreaming while I was awake. THis is not good. At first I thought that I was IN a dream but then thought that maybe I was living a dream that I had previously. It was strange. Too much.
It's very difficult for me to understand what MICA can do for Sara that some other school can't. I want Sara to be closer to cincy and that's a conflict that I've tried to keep to myself. We talked about it tonight and she explained that this is what she wants. I can't argue with that. I can't ask her to leave here. I can't ask her to do anything that she doesn't want to do and I wouldn't anyway. If she told me how happy she was here then I could enjoy it for her. As it is now, I'm glad she's working hard and I'm proud of what she's doing. I'm stoked that she worked hard to get here and now she is. I really like her friends a lot. They are all wonderful people and I can see how much she enjoys their company. It's just that I'm selfish and I want to hold on to her goodness.
I hope that she continues to work hard and she can be happy as well. I think that one day she'll realize that I'm a complete loser. She'll be successful and I will continue to struggle. I may have a future in writing. I am confident that I will write my first book in the next year. If I can get it published then I'll feel good about that. Just working on it will be enjoyable I think.
I'm so fucked up sometimes. I don't know if things will get better but I want them to and that's worth something right? Motivation.
12.06.2004
What do you know... I'm in Baltimore. Art school seems pretty surreal. I think about all the chaos in everyone's lives and they can't help but be incredibly interesting people. I'm enjoying myself. I'm very much enjoying being with Sara.
The train ride was fun. Kindof boring when I couldn't see outside the car though. I met this kid from Lafeyette who worked at the same place I did when I lived there. He also knows one of my friends who lives there. Lolli. What a crazy cat that girl is. She's the only reason I would ever go there. Just to see her. So anyway... Will and I talked about energy and the tree of life and silicon. It was one of the best conversations I've ever had with a complete stranger. I guess not totally strange though since it's highly likely the I've met him before.
The party at the studio was awesome. Much drinking, smoking, hot-tub, painting, skate thrash, gallery touring fun. We had everything looking really nice for the party and I'm sad that I couldn't be there to help clean up. I did do most of the pre-cleaning though so I guess it's their turn to clean a bunch. There were a couple new faces but the people I talked to were people I have met before. I had 3 different wasted girls come up to me and ask me for shrooms. Not only did they not find any but the asked me many times and I was like, hey I still don't know... and then I would distract them while I walked away. I kept redirecting these girls to other people but they still kept talking to me. It was pretty funny actually. The collective painting we worked on was so pretty for awhile until this drunk girl covered like half the canvas with this shit brown color. Then someone wrote "pnut butter" really big in the brown spot. It was definately not the same color as peanut butter.
I had a great time and I think the Neusole crew had a lot of fun too.
More from Baltimore soon....
The train ride was fun. Kindof boring when I couldn't see outside the car though. I met this kid from Lafeyette who worked at the same place I did when I lived there. He also knows one of my friends who lives there. Lolli. What a crazy cat that girl is. She's the only reason I would ever go there. Just to see her. So anyway... Will and I talked about energy and the tree of life and silicon. It was one of the best conversations I've ever had with a complete stranger. I guess not totally strange though since it's highly likely the I've met him before.
The party at the studio was awesome. Much drinking, smoking, hot-tub, painting, skate thrash, gallery touring fun. We had everything looking really nice for the party and I'm sad that I couldn't be there to help clean up. I did do most of the pre-cleaning though so I guess it's their turn to clean a bunch. There were a couple new faces but the people I talked to were people I have met before. I had 3 different wasted girls come up to me and ask me for shrooms. Not only did they not find any but the asked me many times and I was like, hey I still don't know... and then I would distract them while I walked away. I kept redirecting these girls to other people but they still kept talking to me. It was pretty funny actually. The collective painting we worked on was so pretty for awhile until this drunk girl covered like half the canvas with this shit brown color. Then someone wrote "pnut butter" really big in the brown spot. It was definately not the same color as peanut butter.
I had a great time and I think the Neusole crew had a lot of fun too.
More from Baltimore soon....
