Lauren's mom heard this when she heard my voice-mail:

There are words like Freedom
sweet and wonderful to say.
On my heart-strings freedom sings
all day everyday

There are words like Liberty
that almost make me cry.
If you had known what I knew
You would know why.
----Langston Hughes

Fitting I think.

So I'm probably moving home in the next week or so. I'm working on getting this trail crew gig and I need to get into to shape for it. If I do get the position then the only contact I will have with anyone is snail mail. If you would like to get a letter from me you should e-mail me your mailing address in the next month. I'm sure all two of you will reply.
peace

For now i'm updating from le ludlow biblioteque. That's totally not how to spell that but whatever. I feel like a shaken lava lamp. It seems the blobs are attracted to eachother and morph into themselves and then it all gets shaken down into little blobs that don't know what to do.
I'm hungry.
I need a job.
I'm not going to find one.
I can't pay rent.
I've sold everything that anyone would buy.
I'm still hungry.

I suck at life.

The snow came down today like an alien invasion. I wonder what primitive man thought the first time he saw snow. It would probably freak me out if I had never seen it before and didn't know what it was.

A black MGB overlooks a small river valley. Inside a small boy is crying. The loud booms and flashes of light were too much for him so he hid his head in fear. Who new the flashes of kodak color across the sky were so beautifully haunting. A man stands with his girlfriend outside the car, ohs and ahs leaving their lips pointed at the sky. The father is sad that his little boy doesn't appreciate the fireworks. They end to the boys sniffles and whimpers. The multicolor blasts were over until the next year when the boy wouldn't be so upset.

Nitrous fills my lungs to the devil beat of children. They are saying the pledge of allegance in demonic code. Traces of light fill the sky at my outstreched fingers. "They're so close." he whispers as if not to let any one else know. Streched tape feeding itself into action, the sound is back to the steady booms and rock music. They huddle into the tent for another round. They emerge glossy-eyed and dizzy with the rumbles. The last moments of explosions rip open the sky letting the smoke drift away in little bunny shapes. Everyone leaves and the travelers smoke in peace and talk about what is to come.

The steps between and after have spit me out here.

Tonight I had a wonderfull time. I got to chill with my boys. I hit on some chicks. I made out. It was most excellent.

My mind is very much on the wild. I just want to get away from everything.

Everything has fallen apart. The woods are calling me in a way i've never felt before.
Fuck technology, fuck TV, fuck the midwest, fuck drugs, fuck bars, fuck population growth, fuck crime, fuck cars, fuck urban views, fuck the news, fuck booze, fuck losing.

"I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion. The very nakedness and simplicity of man's life in the primitive ages implies the advantage, at least, that they left him still but a sojourner in nature. When he was refreshed with food and sleep, he contemplated his journey again. He dwelt, as it were, in a tent in this world, and was either threading the valleys, or crossing the plains, or climbing the mountain-tops."
--Henry David Thoreau
Expert from "Walden"

Today was full of productivity. This morning I woke up and cleaned the apartment from the "week-end of cheap beer." I gathered my laundry and got everything nice and clean. I read and wrote some stuff. I finished my final paper for English. I'm about to schedule my classes for next semester.
Right now consists of political background noise, some incubus, and my red long-johns.
They're all warm and comfortable.

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=intelligence

Last night was my birthday 'party'. It consisted of people coming to see my drunk ass and then leaving because I didn't have anything to say. I'm pretty sure I didn't move other than getting more beer for like 2 hours. I bought a present for a girl today. Not really sure if I'm going to give it to her though.
Winter is slowly eating it's way through the souls of my feet. Salt all over our living room floor.

I heard the moans of climax last night coming through my bedroom wall. I listened to the pleasure and mourned the memory of happiness buried beneath warm blankets.

Skateboarding is life. Adventure of the ordinary object. Flowing like a brush against concrete canvas. Fluid against fluid, blood against blood. There is no beggining, no end, only motion. Every day I skate is the perfect day. Despite cops, corporate sluts, commercialism; skateboarding is free. Free to anyone who wants it and anyone who will take it. Stainless steel bearings of sphirical freedom. Grounded only in the gravity that pulls us all down. Flesh to flesh and skin ripping away in bloddy smears. Nothing feels like concrete in your skin. What does disaster taste like? Have you ever used your body to fly? I roll across curves of earth. Soaring, carving, singing two inches from the ground.

Well hopefully this time next week I'll have a new job.
I turn 22 this week-end.
My mom turned 50 yesterday. I left a message since she didn't answer. Hopefully she enjoyed my voice-card.
I turned in a 10 page paper on population growth and sustainability for my Env. Science class today. It was OK.

Holy Fucking Shit this is hilarious!

Man, I need a girl like I need a sword in the throat.

screaming at the graffiti walls
longlegs walking through the halls
robotrip to find the way
thinking words that I can't say
have a hit and waste your mind
blacklight paint and hope to find
looking at the ceiling swirls
pressing my face against his curls
tripped out painting of fungi
expressing thoughts until I die
creeping through the crowd
and techno bumping loud

until we make it stop
we drop
and drips of paint
upon my flesh
cold and wet
waiting to be pressed against the wall

slip slide slop in my brain
dropping the colors slow as rain
wearing these rainbow paints
praising our skin as if we were saints
we turn and churn with waves of sound
emotions and thoughts we spew unbound
mind reels with creative thought
a trip to find without being bought
we move with music pulse of light
my skin explodes a beautiful sight
we paint the walls with our fire minds
without restraint of the tie that binds

breaking chains
energy drains
we smear our souls
against the walls
and mindfuck twists
we cum on ourselves in creative bliss

Last night was fanfuckingtabulous. Two bottles of DM, Two blunts, A stange circle a friends, Two blacklights, Glowpaint, Todd's walls, painting eachother, Eight beers, passed out. I'd give you the details but they're still a bit blurry.

There was none of this last night

Damnit! I had a really good post and now it's gone forever. I have class soon.
I'll be going to see about a job tonight. Wish me luck.

I'm in love.
This girl is ridiculous. I'd like to drink wine with her and listen to her play guitar for hours.
Kaki King

i feel very blank right now.

calm.

a reflection pool in the still night air.
a bust of some ancient god, silent.