As you can see I went street skating tonight. I had trouble with the digital camera I used. The shutter was not quite fast enough for the skating so I would end up with all these really late shots. I fucked with it some and got a few nice pictures. It was a great session actually. The guys that skated with us were really good. We're planning a big session tommorow night here at the studio ramp so I hope those guys show up. I'll probably put up some more pictures after that happens. I'm sure it will be a great time.
I'm finally feeling grounded again. I got really freaked out last night and started bitching at Graham. It was stupid. I did get some shit out though and that was good. I'm just really frustrated with my current financial situation. We went through some shit coming back from Cali and it just built up until I let loose. But yeah it was a release and now I'm much more relaxed. The studio has really become a home of sorts for me. I can be productive, have fun, do nothing at all, or sit at the computer for hours at a time and it's cool. It's more than cool... it's encouraged.
Tonight has been really fun. After I got back from skating Graham showed up with Dave and Leslie and Ed and Kurt. We've been hanging out, skating, and ed jammed with me for awhile. He's so fucking good.


I'm reading the 3 pound universe again and I'm almost done. It's some crazy shit yo. Our brains are these incredible chemical bio-machines. Every part is important.

Dave

Scott

mmmm love

THe rain today seems fitting for my mood. It's been really relaxing.
I woke up this morning at Graham's, grabbed my guitar, and went out to Ludlow. I sat and played in the sun for a bit. I got sucked into the reflections off the back of my guitar. I was looking at the sky and trees above me looking down. I ran into Cheyenne (sp?) and we went to Burnnet Woods and smoked. I had him drop me off at the studio and I've been here since. I took a nap in the freezer, and when I got up it was raining. I'm hoping I'm going to get really drunk tonight. It's been awhile.

515 miles from you.

In the soundgasm

Back in the natti finally. Everything we went through on the way home has made it all that much better. We're chillin fresh style here at the studio. The strings on my guitar feel so weird. I guess it's been a month since I've played. I'm electric once again though.
I went out with Sara today and drove around town doing different things so she can leave. We went to the art store and she got this cool easel. We ate tai food with her sister. I got to meet Sara's best friend Dee and she's really cool. She's having a big party tommorow night at her house so that will be really fun. Sara took a bunch of pictures of Graham and I while we were playing.


Alright so...

After we left San Diego we went to L.A. to get Miguel. Once we got to L.A. we got completely lost and ended up driving aimlessly around for about an hour. We finally got to the train station and Miguel hopped in. He's been hitching around for the past year and he looked like it too. I told him I was pissed about being lost and that I'd get over it soon. He and Graham talked and I listened. Miguel worked on a sheep farm on an indian reservation. His story was really cool and it lightened me up quite a bit.
We drove and drove and then I started driving at about 12 in Utah. I drove and I started nodding off so I pulled off an exit and passed out in the dessert. I woke up about 9 in the morning and realized I could see Vegas. Why I didn't notice it when I passed out I have no idea. I drove for awhile and then Graham started again. As soon as we got up in the mountains it started raining like crazy. The speed limit in Colorado is 75MPH and we were going 60 because it sucked so bad.
About 30 miles outside of Denver we hit a big puddle, hydroplaned into the the center concrete median, hit the front left bumper, spun around 180, hit the median with the back right bumper and pulled out onto the shoulder facing oncoming traffic. IT SUCKED! we got out and shook it off looked at the car and it wasn't completely fucked. We drove to boulder got some food and took off for OK. We left at about 7PM and got to stillwater at 5 in the morning. Crazy shit.
I did a lot of nothing in Stillwater. And then I took some robo and layed on Griffin's floor. We had some conversation and it was nice but mostly full of confusion. The next night we ended up eating some chocolates which were nice but I pretty much spaced out the whole time.
Now we're back and I'm feeling good to be home.

I am ready to be in cincinnati. Now. Please.

We've been on the road so long I'm starting to lose myself. I'm craving some sort of schedule or something to do at all. I'm so frustrated and I'm not really writing at all either.
I did go skating yesterday though and that was a lot of fun. Alison took a roll of film and used it all. My ollies are getting so floaty.

THere are so many people I want to see in the natti, it's going to get ridiculous.
Hopefully Nemo will be fixed and we can make the last trek home tommorow.

I never thought I'd be so happy to be back in the states. Our trip to Mexico was a lot of fun but I'm ready to head home. Hmmm Home. THat's cincinnati I guess. I miss my friends. I miss Ludlow. I miss cruising through campus. Anyway...
We left saturday afternoon, sortof got lost in Enscondita, had a great drive through some mountains, and made it to the hostel just before sunset. The party was raging when we got there so we grabbed our Sol's and Tecate and got in the mix of things. A group of about 30 kids that all knew eachother were there so they all hung out together. Us loners sat on the back porch and grilled some chicken. Brian.
Brian has been at the hostel for two and a half weeks. THat was his estimation anyway. I'd say he's been there a little longer. Brian was most intoxicated the entire time we were there. All he did was cook, regardless of anyone's desire for him to do so.
So the chicken was cooked and we decide to cut up and debone all the chicken and cook it a little more. Brain being the drunken chef told us he would help and dumped a lot of stuff on our chicken, quite to the amusement of a couple drunk girls. It came out fairly ineditable but I ate most of it anyway. We got drunk, talked to people, and played guitar until brian said he was going to the store. What store he went to and got sealed bags of grass I'll have no idea, but he did. He said that some people were thowing in to make brownies. We tossed him so cash and away he went. You could start a plantation with all the seeds I had to sort out. The 'brownies' consisted of banana nut muffin mix, chocolate, and our contribution. It was getting really late and so I just cut off a big chunk of it and hid it in the freezer.
When we got up on Sunday the water looked flat and the the marine layer was well overhead. Most people stumbled out of rooms and tents looking dazed from the previous evening. We were all pretty bummed about the waves but everyone headed out around 11 anyway. We struck out north to find this beach that most people were going to. Just as we saw the beach we were driving into some sand-dunes when we realized that we were stuck. We spent about an hour digging and rocking and trying to get Al's rear-wheel drive suv out of this sand hole we had just made. Finally we found some guys who looked like they have played in the sand their whole lives. One guy took charge and told us what to do... if you are ever stuck in some sand let a lot of air out of your tires. So we got out and I paddled around in the cold ass water for about 20 minutes. No waves, cold water, barely any sunshine. We drove around for about another hour and got stuck in some rocks. luckily some guys that were staying at the hostel showed up and helped out a little. We stayed at that beach for awhile and Al went out for a little bit. When we got back to the hostel the big group of kids had left and we were hungry. Al and Graham went to sleep and I cooked the chicken, played some guitar, and got some kids to buy me some tequila. As we sat around the fire drinking I ask if we want to trip. We decide that we would and all hell broke loose within my brain. Lots of sound and swirling flashlights, the fire was churning and I was burning. Money, Drugs, Mexico, I thought Brian was going to kill me. I realized that freedom IN a system is freedom FROM a system and I really wanted to be back in the states. People go to Mexico and disappear because life is less important. Everything in Mexico is cheap, especially some gringo like me.
People were starting to wake up and we decide to head for the border. Erindira faded in rear-view mirrors with heavy sighs of relief.

SO we got back and I slept for 14 hours. I'm not sure what's going on today but we might be taking off for L.A. to pick up Graham's friend Miguel.

Sara leaves for M.I.C.A. on the 24th and I really want to make it back to the natti before that happens. Her hugs are so wonderful.

I just woke up and my head is pounding. Al gave me a hangover-free pill and I think it had the opposite effect on me. It just gaver me a free hangover. We're headed to Baja today until Mon. probably. I'm so pumped about sufing.
Sara e-mailed me and it made me so happy.
I'm not getting as much writing done as I thought I would but I guess that will come later. Everything is still in the midst of happening.

First... I just want to say that you guys suck for not commenting on this ridiculousness that I send out to you. THat's right, it's for the kids.

When people say that you get drunk with less alchohal at higher elevation, yeah that shit's true. I've had 3 PBR's and I'm Feelin' it.

Boulder is really cool but walking around today made me miss cincinnati. That's really weird for me. I've never really missed a place I lived when I was away from it before. Pearl St. here in Boulder is closed of to traffic and it's basically just a brick mall with a bunch of shops. The 'hip' kids hang out there and play music, do tricks, and beg for money. We met these two old guys today that asked us if we had any acid. We talked to them about chemicals for awhile and they gave us directions to this chill spot called Nederlands to camp at. We might stop there tommorow night and stay before we head to San Diego.
I'm so stoked about heading to the coast. Surf on.

I miss Sara. She knows why these words are beautiful.

Is being alive and trying to have a good time enough? It's fun. It is painful sometimes but so is trying to do anything. I exist to flow and to share my compassion with the world in any way I can. I see complication as a barrier to my happiness so I try to keep things as simple as possible. Love, Liquid, Life.

road worn feet and eyes
we pull into town without seeing the
mountains through the dark
the thin air pulled into our lungs
bronchial haze hitching it's own ride

so we step outside
light a smoke
and question the cost-benifit analysis

the slow down up through
leads us to red-rock quartz
where we ignite our values
It seems the trees are focussed
on exhaling purity

so the tranquility
is visible for miles
and every once in a while
we can see ourselves clearly

for the past week Graham and I have been in Oklahoma. We saw his family, scored mass free food from the grandparents, and had much drunken fun.
The first couple days we were there I just sat around and listened. Soaked up what these kids are questioning. It's really exciting for me to meet new people. In cincy I tried to talk to at least one random person a day. Everyone has a story. All these different perspectives that I come across will only help broaden my understanding of existence. Something that I've come to terms with recently is that I need to stop being so pissed off all the time. And what is it that I'm pissed about anyway.
Before we left cincy I did a tag on the studio floor that said 'resist'. I talked to John about it and I was like I'm tired of this feeling. He asked what I was talking about and I said, 'What is this terrible thing that I must resist. What am I so pissed about, What is it that I'm trying to fight. I'm resisting myself and I'm tired of it.' I did the tag in chalk and as I was looking at it I felt like the more I projected these negative feelings to the world I would just continue to be unhappy. I took my water and splashed through the letters. As I circled this now murky drawing on the floor the water bounced little reflections of light back up to me. Had I made something more beautiful by trying to destroy it? Maybe it was the destruction of negativity that felt good. As the water started to pool and move Graham started outlining the water with a sharpie. He worked dilligently making more marks as the water evaporated and he ended up with this dripping drawing of something more meaningful than what had started the whole thing.
This brought me to an interested conclusion about myself. wait... It has a lot to do with Sara Spectrum but that's another story. Sara gave me something amazing... Seeing Beautiful and Being Beautiful. I have surrounded myself with these intelligent, creative, beautiful people. My opinion of art is quite different from all these artists that I appreciate so much. To me, I go to an art gallery and maybe one thing on the wall will draw me in and really make me think about it. When Graham was outlining the water, the experience for me was an interaction with the artist and the work at the same time. How could a work of art ever be as important and the artists' experience making it or contemplating it or destroying it. I just feel that Sara, Graham, John and all these people in my life are far more important than anything they could present to the world through their expression. So that's the difference... They feel that art is expression of life and I think that our lives, conversation, and experiences are art. That's why I try to write it all down.
John told me that it's important for me to do whatever it is that I'm doing and make sure I record it, someone will find value in it.
Tangent=over.
Oklahoma was far more enjoyable this time around. I had a great conversation about compassion with Griffin. Griffin is this girl from Kansas City. She's a writer and we lamented over Poe, Langston Hughes, Kerouac. It was fun.

While you think about that, I'll be thrashing this: