Thur. morning. tired. wierd mood.


Since I've been working with a political group I've been analyzing my stance on politics and activism in general. I had this great conversation with one of my co-workers who asked me if I was a 'green anarchist' or 'anti-civ' now I have never heard either of those terms before but I new exactly what he was saying. I've been cruising around the net while I upload some new pictures checking out what this anti-civ thing is all about. It's interesting. I've not read much of their propaganda yet but I will.
One of the guys at work asks us to look at a petition he had. It proclaimed that sex-crime would go down if only we could shut down 'sex-shops and strip-clubs' between the hours of midnight and 6 in the morning. I said bullshit and no one disagreed with me. I say people should have the freedom to buy a dildo at 2 o'clock in the morning, or even go pay to see some tits at 3 in the morning.
Speaking of restriction of freedom, New York wants to ban trans-fat in restaraunts in the city. What the fuck? Are people that stupid that we have to tell them what food is bad for them and keep it away from them? This type of legislation is outrageous. New York, your city is telling you to take a walk, maybe you should.

I saw the most disturbing thing ever the other day out on turf. Actually this article explains it much better than I can. It's so creepy.

So yeah... I've been thinking about political struggle. I just don't think it's worth it really. I'm getting paid to ask people to go vote and I don't even care about voting myself. Well, they are trying to raise the minimum wage from 5.15 to 6.25 which would be great if enough people go vote for it. I want it for them I guess. I think that's why people are activists, they want to do something good for the people who don't know. It makes them feel good that they know something that can really change what's going on and they want to spread it. Missionaries are sort of like activists and I don't think that's a good thing.
the point:
If people want to destroy themselves than I say let 'em do it. As long as they do not infringe on my human rights they can be as fucking stupid as they want. I think it sucks that they're destroying the earth but as history shows the mother outlasts all the pathetic little creatures that spawn themselves here.

This picture was taken very close to where I will be building my house. I've been trying to explain to people what this place means to me and I almost cannot. This is a place to step back into time. A place where food and needs are held high and the people feel the power of the valley.

For the past 6 years since I left my hometown I've been searching. I was searching for myself in the faces of all the people I met and spoke honestly with. These people gave themselves to me and I to them. I've met drunks, druggies, hippies, suits, lovers, bullies, fakes, revolutionaries, teachers, students and I've loved them all. They were all my teachers teaching me who I would like to be and whom I am today. Are these the same? Not right now because I'm about to go to an interview with a fundraising campain for a major Labor union. That's not who I want to be, although I know several people who really enjoy the political struggle. I say fuck 'em. It's exploitation in the most disgusting way. Give me your power and I'll make decisions for you. By the way I'll make a lot of money off of you the whole time. So what's my point?
I have dug my toes in the furtile earth and fallen in love. I was joyful and exhuberant and healthy. These are the things that I want to manifest. This is a life worth living.
So now I must suck it up and get a job which pays money so that hopefully I can loose the hold of the dollar on my life.

I've never been more confident in myself. I know that I'll be back out to Hawaii before years end. My friend who lives in the valley has been looking for a student and I've been looking for the teacher that will teach the lesson I want to hear. I have another teacher out there and she will teach me everyday what Love is. I miss her very much. Being away from her is painful in fact. I look outside at the wet cold street and I want to cry.

But I've got a warm cup of Kona coffee. Cheers!

I can't get the valley out of my mind. Not that i'm trying but it's the first thing I think about every morning. It makes me want to be productive, it drives me to make money which is strange. I've decided to be super hardcore when I get back. I'll eat poi and fish that I caught everyday if I have to. I don't want to touch money anymore. I don't want to think about it. I will labor for everything that I needand anything I could want. I have to figure out how to make beer.
I can't stop thinking about Holland. How much I want her to be in my arms. How much I want kiss her face. How much I want to see her smile. Hear her laugh.

I need to get out of the city. It's frying my brain. I have soooo much work to do to be able to get to Hawaii before she leaves for Virginia. I'm pretty sure I'll get my train ticket and bus ticket in two weeks when I get paid. Maybe I should buy my plane ticket first. Stay busy. Stay busy. I'm off to work.

Love Aloha

Not much has been going on... I've been getting drunk with the locals, really drunk, not writing as much as I should (i'm down to about a page every 3 days) smoking too many cigarettes, working... I'm working at the glass studio again sortof. I'm actually gutting this house that John bought that's right behind the studio. He wants to buy the whole block and tear it down. Crackheads.
I've come to terms with the fact that I may have a girlfriend. I didn't really ask her or anything and she is 1/4 of the way around the world. I want her to be my girlfriend and I've started calling her my girlfriend to my friends, everyone laughs. They think I'm still the 'ol slut I used to be. No longer girls of cincinnati will you lure me into your web. I'll have none of it. Things are less confusing this way and I don't have to worry about anything exept what I need to be doing for myself. I have no restrictions yet I have no desire to 'hook up'. I really just want to be with Holland. She's just so damned awesome. The only thing I really need is to spend time with my friends while I'm around, and get money together for my trip. I'm stopping in Lake Tahoe this time to see my friend Nick.
I miss everyone all the time. Send me e-mail love and without fail I will return with words of my choosing.