Say thanks to viceland.com for that sweet ass.
7.08.2004
The new war is taking place on the battlefields of our minds. This constant flow of enemy information and neural interperetation. Your reality is a visual minefield just waiting for you to see wrong. Intergalactic cranial warfare. Theatre of madness before your very eyes. You think I'm crazy. I always hear that faint TV hum from wherever I might be. That stream of endless monotony screaming and thrashing at anything free. You fake freedom on the prime time technicolor bathed in pseudo-reality. I’m setting up defenses. Filling my wrinkled memory wallet with anti-bullshit reactors. All the outside factors are slowly becoming nonexistent. I feel blacked out like government documents. Only seeing what I ‘need to see’. Whatever I see is translated into the hypothalymic, but what if it’s sick. What if it’s under attack. The frenzied firefight for stability. I saw the reds battle the whites. All incoming stimulus broken apart into the good and the bad. Before you even blink they thought to think.
So my cerebral civil action isn’t quite giving me the satisfaction that I’m looking for. The whites are sexy and live for the love. The reds are the confrontational type telling the whites to shut the fuck up. They shot electrical beams through the chemical seams creating conscienceness. The EEG glow of the chaos above and below show that homeostasis is based on false cases. Feeling good is just a white dance. A ballet of endorphan orphans looking for a home. The reds are the cops waiting outside and they never let you slide. Sometimes the reds win, but never in Cincinnati. It leaves a scar on the universe driving me to suddenly curse at nothing at all. The words escape with a vocal scrape, and the whites retreat. The difficult drives me to create, it cleans the slate, making room for the whites. Oh how they love the multicolored lights and fresh air nights. I try to avoid the Friday night fights on the dirty third. The reds feed off the grit and greed the drunken need to fuck with my friends.
So my cerebral civil action isn’t quite giving me the satisfaction that I’m looking for. The whites are sexy and live for the love. The reds are the confrontational type telling the whites to shut the fuck up. They shot electrical beams through the chemical seams creating conscienceness. The EEG glow of the chaos above and below show that homeostasis is based on false cases. Feeling good is just a white dance. A ballet of endorphan orphans looking for a home. The reds are the cops waiting outside and they never let you slide. Sometimes the reds win, but never in Cincinnati. It leaves a scar on the universe driving me to suddenly curse at nothing at all. The words escape with a vocal scrape, and the whites retreat. The difficult drives me to create, it cleans the slate, making room for the whites. Oh how they love the multicolored lights and fresh air nights. I try to avoid the Friday night fights on the dirty third. The reds feed off the grit and greed the drunken need to fuck with my friends.
6.29.2004
It only takes one bullet to destroy compassion
Think about the motivation for your action
Right and wrong are just ideas
But so was the atomic bomb
I have the choice to change me
But there is a lot of suffering in the sea
Bubbles escape and make themselves clean
But I still can’t seem to breath
Complication quiets the voice of happiness
Now we find ourselves in this terrible mess
While we can’t explain spiritual interaction
Your satisfaction is ‘in god we trust’
I wouldn’t recommend the service
Gene pool full of piss
Can’t think of anything I might miss
except life.
Think about the motivation for your action
Right and wrong are just ideas
But so was the atomic bomb
I have the choice to change me
But there is a lot of suffering in the sea
Bubbles escape and make themselves clean
But I still can’t seem to breath
Complication quiets the voice of happiness
Now we find ourselves in this terrible mess
While we can’t explain spiritual interaction
Your satisfaction is ‘in god we trust’
I wouldn’t recommend the service
Gene pool full of piss
Can’t think of anything I might miss
except life.
6.28.2004
Punk Rock exists in the hearts and minds of the Dunkards’ Bar this night. The reverb thick guitar grooves it’s way past me as I order a gin and seven. The customers consist of a small group of locals, the bands, a few guys, and a lot of underage drinking girls. The bump bump bass hits on every beat and the lawn of unkept grass bounces gently.
I nod to my friends and bang my head to a particularly heavy part of the song. The nicotine chadeleir hangs trying to hold the dignity it once had. Dance bang beer slang all over the front of me while I sit. Paper towel scream and howl. Beer slowly finds it’s way to my ass crack. I order another gin. A new band with more screaming and slamming to do. There is a lot of angst filled lyrics spewing out of the singers mouth. Spitting the beer stench guitar clench rage. It feels good to be alive here among so much death. When does life happen if we’re waiting for it.
We’re falling all over ourselves looking for something to feel. Something real. Something to steal from those who stole from us. Our songs bleed for anything to trust. I’ve been avoiding the things that I must, do and try until I die… but then what. Now is now and tomorrow may never happen but sometimes it does… and then what. A new day and a new question to slay. Answers are everywhere just asking for the right question. I must mention the ideas presented are so familiar. The burning licks for freedom. The beer soaked sucked creation out of the mind and out to find a place to rest forever.
“Right now is history.”
“Why.”
“Because you and I are both feeling this at the same time.”
The sonic sensation and liver elation at the drinks I down, the drum kicked town. I never thought the natti would feel so right. Social situations never appealed to me much. I guess I just never found the right scene. The drunken swagger and the guitar solo stagger sound so rainy.
Muncie crew knew what to do. That VP cup full of Boone’s walk on over and listen to dance thick tunes. Empty bottles chunked into river flow. Late night conversation of the perversion of the show. We all feel the burn. Questioning churn of what might lay ahead. Just more music of more of the same. The chaste change that might occur, if tomorrow ever happens.
I saw Fahrenheit 9-11 over the week-end. Very intense.
I nod to my friends and bang my head to a particularly heavy part of the song. The nicotine chadeleir hangs trying to hold the dignity it once had. Dance bang beer slang all over the front of me while I sit. Paper towel scream and howl. Beer slowly finds it’s way to my ass crack. I order another gin. A new band with more screaming and slamming to do. There is a lot of angst filled lyrics spewing out of the singers mouth. Spitting the beer stench guitar clench rage. It feels good to be alive here among so much death. When does life happen if we’re waiting for it.
We’re falling all over ourselves looking for something to feel. Something real. Something to steal from those who stole from us. Our songs bleed for anything to trust. I’ve been avoiding the things that I must, do and try until I die… but then what. Now is now and tomorrow may never happen but sometimes it does… and then what. A new day and a new question to slay. Answers are everywhere just asking for the right question. I must mention the ideas presented are so familiar. The burning licks for freedom. The beer soaked sucked creation out of the mind and out to find a place to rest forever.
“Right now is history.”
“Why.”
“Because you and I are both feeling this at the same time.”
The sonic sensation and liver elation at the drinks I down, the drum kicked town. I never thought the natti would feel so right. Social situations never appealed to me much. I guess I just never found the right scene. The drunken swagger and the guitar solo stagger sound so rainy.
Muncie crew knew what to do. That VP cup full of Boone’s walk on over and listen to dance thick tunes. Empty bottles chunked into river flow. Late night conversation of the perversion of the show. We all feel the burn. Questioning churn of what might lay ahead. Just more music of more of the same. The chaste change that might occur, if tomorrow ever happens.
I saw Fahrenheit 9-11 over the week-end. Very intense.
6.16.2004
I'm pissed! The Hamilton County Sheriff's Department has my wallet. I left it in this girls car and I was told that the cops have it. So the past two days I've been calling all over Hamilton county trying to track down what cop took my wallet and where it is now.
Yesterday I went to the property department, which took me an hour to find because I got lost, so I get there and the officer at the desk is like "We don't know where it is." What do you mean I ask and they tell me that my wallet was not logged in this cops files or in the property rooms files. Kevin Spedowski took my wallet. His job every night is to turn in states evidence and any property that he may have. Did he do this? Fuck No. I was told that he would be in today and he would be contacted about this problem.
So I wake up and call. "Officer Spedowski will not be in today." What!?? "Why is he not doing his job? Why does he have my wallet? Why is he not coming in today."
"I'm not sure sir but he will be in tommorow."
For all I fucking know this guy went out drinkin' with his Klan brothers last night and they took turns pissing on my wallet. Or this guy could be sending my information out to every cop agency in the country trying to find something on me. Fuck Mother Fuck Fuck THe Man!!!!
Firey Hell is going to rain down as soon as that black leather of MY wallet hits my hand. I'm going to press charges on this cop for theft of my wallet. He disobeyed police code and he probably thought he would get away with it. Fuck Spedowski.
Yesterday I went to the property department, which took me an hour to find because I got lost, so I get there and the officer at the desk is like "We don't know where it is." What do you mean I ask and they tell me that my wallet was not logged in this cops files or in the property rooms files. Kevin Spedowski took my wallet. His job every night is to turn in states evidence and any property that he may have. Did he do this? Fuck No. I was told that he would be in today and he would be contacted about this problem.
So I wake up and call. "Officer Spedowski will not be in today." What!?? "Why is he not doing his job? Why does he have my wallet? Why is he not coming in today."
"I'm not sure sir but he will be in tommorow."
For all I fucking know this guy went out drinkin' with his Klan brothers last night and they took turns pissing on my wallet. Or this guy could be sending my information out to every cop agency in the country trying to find something on me. Fuck Mother Fuck Fuck THe Man!!!!
Firey Hell is going to rain down as soon as that black leather of MY wallet hits my hand. I'm going to press charges on this cop for theft of my wallet. He disobeyed police code and he probably thought he would get away with it. Fuck Spedowski.
6.10.2004
Graham went out of town for a week and a half to graduate.
He broke up with his girlfriend
I was very confused and sedated most of the time that he was gone.
Cincinnati is treating me well, I have plenty of things to work on.
I'm being productive at ACT and I've been working at the studio a lot lately.
My site at mojofat is no longer updating so I'm going to start using this url
I'm writing. I'm eating. I'm having fun. I feel good.
I'll be getting a home again in the next few weeks. This may mean that I won't get to go to San Diego until later. I feel like getting my own space here is far more important than a week there that I can't make any money. Once I get a place, I can be a lot more productive with my time, and I will be able to relax more.
I hope you are all well and as soon as I get a place, you'll be the first to know so you can come party it up!
He broke up with his girlfriend
I was very confused and sedated most of the time that he was gone.
Cincinnati is treating me well, I have plenty of things to work on.
I'm being productive at ACT and I've been working at the studio a lot lately.
My site at mojofat is no longer updating so I'm going to start using this url
I'm writing. I'm eating. I'm having fun. I feel good.
I'll be getting a home again in the next few weeks. This may mean that I won't get to go to San Diego until later. I feel like getting my own space here is far more important than a week there that I can't make any money. Once I get a place, I can be a lot more productive with my time, and I will be able to relax more.
I hope you are all well and as soon as I get a place, you'll be the first to know so you can come party it up!
5.21.2004
Wow... Ok so new host, good stuff! Soon I'll be posting pictures for you cats to check out and I'll be updating again.
I found the coolest place in Cincinnati a couple of nights ago. These glassblowers that a friend of ours knows invited us over to check out the space and see what's up. So we get there and as soon as I walk in I notice that they are growing grass in their floor! They cut out part of the concrete so they could have grass in the their space. They have all the glass blowing stuff, a pool/game room, a turtle habitat, part of the apartment that John lives in and a ramp up to the second floor. There they have a 8 person jacuzzi, a 5 ft. skate ramp, and the rest of the apartment. In the basement they are running wire and building rooms for artists. I'll be able to paint once I get my airbrush stuff. I'm so stoked.
I've been writing and playing guitar a lot lately. It's good to slow down a bit and just be able to play and write. THat's a HUGE reason why I want a place so bad. Aside from all the other reasons.
I think I might roll this weekend which will be really cool.
I've been hanging out with O.livia more and she's really fucking awesome. We've talked so much over the past couple weeks about relationships and how pointless they are. It seems you're commiting yourself to inevitable pain. Not that we can really avoid pain all the time.
I found the coolest place in Cincinnati a couple of nights ago. These glassblowers that a friend of ours knows invited us over to check out the space and see what's up. So we get there and as soon as I walk in I notice that they are growing grass in their floor! They cut out part of the concrete so they could have grass in the their space. They have all the glass blowing stuff, a pool/game room, a turtle habitat, part of the apartment that John lives in and a ramp up to the second floor. There they have a 8 person jacuzzi, a 5 ft. skate ramp, and the rest of the apartment. In the basement they are running wire and building rooms for artists. I'll be able to paint once I get my airbrush stuff. I'm so stoked.
I've been writing and playing guitar a lot lately. It's good to slow down a bit and just be able to play and write. THat's a HUGE reason why I want a place so bad. Aside from all the other reasons.
I think I might roll this weekend which will be really cool.
I've been hanging out with O.livia more and she's really fucking awesome. We've talked so much over the past couple weeks about relationships and how pointless they are. It seems you're commiting yourself to inevitable pain. Not that we can really avoid pain all the time.
4.18.2004
this coffee shop outside we met
the odds were slim but I took the bet
warm night air fills our lungs
we climbed up catwalks with no rungs
and we chilled and smoked
we ranted and chanted
down warm streets in night air
the stars aligned and we followed our
hearts there that coffee stained air
smoking dim light hangs without a care
and we chilled and we smoked
we ranted and chanted
down warm streets in night air
the odds were slim but I took the bet
warm night air fills our lungs
we climbed up catwalks with no rungs
and we chilled and smoked
we ranted and chanted
down warm streets in night air
the stars aligned and we followed our
hearts there that coffee stained air
smoking dim light hangs without a care
and we chilled and we smoked
we ranted and chanted
down warm streets in night air
4.17.2004
driving down driving up it's all the same
in this town
those g's don't feel the same here
I saw the sign and it said
keep moving...
that way
Why does the state look like it's pointing
westward and onward
Don't stop here it says
The kids here are just like the kids there
some of them screaming some laughing
but we still don't know what the fuck is going on
That small town drama
i miss my momma
kind of whining and bitching all the damn time
Grow up...
Open your fucking eyes...
See outside your fishbowl
in this town
those g's don't feel the same here
I saw the sign and it said
keep moving...
that way
Why does the state look like it's pointing
westward and onward
Don't stop here it says
The kids here are just like the kids there
some of them screaming some laughing
but we still don't know what the fuck is going on
That small town drama
i miss my momma
kind of whining and bitching all the damn time
Grow up...
Open your fucking eyes...
See outside your fishbowl
4.14.2004
I bleed music from my eye-balls
walking through concert halls
puking vodka in bathroom stalls
I sing like the quickness of a razor blade
darker than a night in moonless shade
I'm so punk I'll never get paid
I have a battle to the death with clenched fists
I don't have tits to get on those guest lists
when it's all over i'm in the bathroom with slit wrists
remember it's down the stream not across the bridge
'it looks like you're bleeding' oh it's just a little scratch
do you think on your way out you could shut the latch
I'm just saving myself from all the failures I'll hatch
it's fine, drink your wine, avoid the sign, do this line,
do this, do that, do yourself a favor
enjoy...
life's too short for just one flavor.
Resting up tonight for our invasion of Oklahoma. Taking some digital pictures tonight. Hopefully have some of them up on either carls site or my bros.
walking through concert halls
puking vodka in bathroom stalls
I sing like the quickness of a razor blade
darker than a night in moonless shade
I'm so punk I'll never get paid
I have a battle to the death with clenched fists
I don't have tits to get on those guest lists
when it's all over i'm in the bathroom with slit wrists
remember it's down the stream not across the bridge
'it looks like you're bleeding' oh it's just a little scratch
do you think on your way out you could shut the latch
I'm just saving myself from all the failures I'll hatch
it's fine, drink your wine, avoid the sign, do this line,
do this, do that, do yourself a favor
enjoy...
life's too short for just one flavor.
Resting up tonight for our invasion of Oklahoma. Taking some digital pictures tonight. Hopefully have some of them up on either carls site or my bros.
4.12.2004
Feeling the brain freeze
like a cock teese
downtown around the block sleaze
come around in the afternoon
if it's before 3 then you're too soon
I'll be snoozin to an ambient tune
walking on a sand dune
sunspot facial features
six legged skeeter creatures
I woke up in the bleachers
of my high school
on my shoulder drool
everyone staring at this fool
I saw my first show at Bogarts over the weekend. We saw Damien Rice and THe Frames. Damien blew my face of with his music. He started off slow and then set the house on fire. It was delicious.
i am a visitor here
i am not permanent
the only thing keeping me dry is
the wetness of dreams
just the term "life after death" is so laughable and ridiculous. I've already been dead. It was black and silent and boring. Life has a lot of colors and I want to see them all.
There are so many things I want to share with you.
like a cock teese
downtown around the block sleaze
come around in the afternoon
if it's before 3 then you're too soon
I'll be snoozin to an ambient tune
walking on a sand dune
sunspot facial features
six legged skeeter creatures
I woke up in the bleachers
of my high school
on my shoulder drool
everyone staring at this fool
I saw my first show at Bogarts over the weekend. We saw Damien Rice and THe Frames. Damien blew my face of with his music. He started off slow and then set the house on fire. It was delicious.
i am a visitor here
i am not permanent
the only thing keeping me dry is
the wetness of dreams
just the term "life after death" is so laughable and ridiculous. I've already been dead. It was black and silent and boring. Life has a lot of colors and I want to see them all.
There are so many things I want to share with you.
4.06.2004
damn damn damn...
I'm worn out from adventure after adventure. Can't stop here this is bat country type shit. Sleep deprivation has kicked in and I realized about an hour ago that I had not eaten in like 30 hours. I'm trying to figure out where to start but I don't remember.
We saw John Kerry speak today and he had the normal Democratic election year topics to discuss, and for sure there was some Bush bashing going on. He did say that by 2020 he wants 20% of the nations energy use to come from alternative sources which I thought was very important. He said that during the Kennedy years america was able to win the moon race because the people were behind it. Reaching the goal of 20% of our energy not being oil should be easy compared to that. He seemed sincere and he said that he wants to help people be more involved in government so that our Democracy can actually live up to the name and the idea.
After the speach Graham and I skated and I landed my first wall-ride. It was sweet! We played around at the park and played some soccer.
I met Lauren's Godfather who is a music promoter. He's worked for several different record labels and got to hang out with acts like The Breeders, Radiohead, Luscious Jackson, John Lee Hooker, B.B. King, I can't even remember most of them. He had a whole wall of Platinum Records that had been given to him for his work. We hung out and I got to play this super amazing Gibson Les Paul that he found after a flood! He found this fucking guitar. He called Gibson to check the numbers on it to find out where it came from and they don't know. I told him about what Deric has been doing in Muncie and I told him to check out Wooden Man Records which you should to!
Ineedashower
I'm worn out from adventure after adventure. Can't stop here this is bat country type shit. Sleep deprivation has kicked in and I realized about an hour ago that I had not eaten in like 30 hours. I'm trying to figure out where to start but I don't remember.
We saw John Kerry speak today and he had the normal Democratic election year topics to discuss, and for sure there was some Bush bashing going on. He did say that by 2020 he wants 20% of the nations energy use to come from alternative sources which I thought was very important. He said that during the Kennedy years america was able to win the moon race because the people were behind it. Reaching the goal of 20% of our energy not being oil should be easy compared to that. He seemed sincere and he said that he wants to help people be more involved in government so that our Democracy can actually live up to the name and the idea.
After the speach Graham and I skated and I landed my first wall-ride. It was sweet! We played around at the park and played some soccer.
I met Lauren's Godfather who is a music promoter. He's worked for several different record labels and got to hang out with acts like The Breeders, Radiohead, Luscious Jackson, John Lee Hooker, B.B. King, I can't even remember most of them. He had a whole wall of Platinum Records that had been given to him for his work. We hung out and I got to play this super amazing Gibson Les Paul that he found after a flood! He found this fucking guitar. He called Gibson to check the numbers on it to find out where it came from and they don't know. I told him about what Deric has been doing in Muncie and I told him to check out Wooden Man Records which you should to!
Ineedashower
4.05.2004
3.29.2004
Thank you for comments...
I went liquid this week-end. Anyone who has researched DXM (what am I the only one?) will have or will discover that there are several levels to the experience. 1 being a mild body buzz with slight perceptual changes to 5 being death. I was at a 3 saturday night and for about 2 hours I was gone to the people around me. The only way I can describe how I felt is, imagine that I am a sweater. You put me in a dryer which makes this really large round tone around me and then pull me out and I'm all warm and fuzzy. The liquid feeling was like being in the womb. All light and sound around me became ocean like.
I'm an alternate #6 which means that after the first week if more than 5 people go home than I'll get to go. We'll see.
I'm trying to bring some LJer's to the good side by luring them out of their holes. I refuse to post on LJ until more people read my site.
I went liquid this week-end. Anyone who has researched DXM (what am I the only one?) will have or will discover that there are several levels to the experience. 1 being a mild body buzz with slight perceptual changes to 5 being death. I was at a 3 saturday night and for about 2 hours I was gone to the people around me. The only way I can describe how I felt is, imagine that I am a sweater. You put me in a dryer which makes this really large round tone around me and then pull me out and I'm all warm and fuzzy. The liquid feeling was like being in the womb. All light and sound around me became ocean like.
I'm an alternate #6 which means that after the first week if more than 5 people go home than I'll get to go. We'll see.
I'm trying to bring some LJer's to the good side by luring them out of their holes. I refuse to post on LJ until more people read my site.
3.10.2004
I broke the nose off my board today. Damnit! I'm going to the MSP to skate with Thomas and Micah should be there too. Maybe Thomas will have a less thrashed board than mine he can hook me up with. The three of us are going up to see Johnny Rad this week-end and I'm sooooo stoked. I havn't seen that kid in too long.
I'll know for sure this weekend if I'm going to California or not. Woo-Hoo!!!
I'll know for sure this weekend if I'm going to California or not. Woo-Hoo!!!
2.27.2004
Things are creeping along here in Hanover. I'm at the college and I'm amazed at how few unnatractive women there are here. And what's up with that anyway. REmember all those hot chicks that went to your high school? They all had parents with money right? How does that happen. do rich people develop beauty genes? I'm pretty boggled.
Questions have been raised by myself and others what am I going to do If i don't get to go to California.
I figure either
a) I'll come up with some other wacky scheme. or
b) I'll die.
Either way I've got something to look forward to so I'll continue to sleep alot, play guitar, and skate until I find out.
Questions have been raised by myself and others what am I going to do If i don't get to go to California.
I figure either
a) I'll come up with some other wacky scheme. or
b) I'll die.
Either way I've got something to look forward to so I'll continue to sleep alot, play guitar, and skate until I find out.
2.03.2004
The levy broke.... I felt it. Hell, it's my fucking fault.
Thompson Rd. Blues
I didn't know anything
you didn't take anything
How was I to know
what it is you didn't show
I guess I didn't care
but what was I to assume
we had such different lives
in that same old redneck place
it wasn't that I couldn't decide
I didn't have any reason to hide
you barely got out with your skin
and I find my conversation so thin
escape had a different meaning
to you and I
I found a new reflection
but i don't have the recollection
of what you went through
Thompson Rd. Blues
I didn't know anything
you didn't take anything
How was I to know
what it is you didn't show
I guess I didn't care
but what was I to assume
we had such different lives
in that same old redneck place
it wasn't that I couldn't decide
I didn't have any reason to hide
you barely got out with your skin
and I find my conversation so thin
escape had a different meaning
to you and I
I found a new reflection
but i don't have the recollection
of what you went through
2.02.2004
Help Me, I'm Hungry
Nirvana
Hold me, there's too much tension
Grade me, I'm fucking hungry
Help me, I'm fucking cornered
Grade me, you might be right
Lightning fucking around in my head
Fierce, dangerous, pathetic, fucked up
People freaking every day
White lights inside
What do you want
Cold naked man, picked off his scabs and
Fed them to the pigeons
Help him, he's fucking cornered
Grade him it might be fun
Lightning fucking around in my head, etc...
Hold me, something's happening
Help me, somebody help me
Hold me, I'm fucking hungry
Help me, I'm right here, who are you?
Naked man you say you saw
Fed them, to the pigeons
Help him, he's fucking cornered
Grade him, it might be fun
Lightning fucking around in my head, etc...
Help me, I'm fucking hungry
Help me, I'm fucking up
Hold me, some fucking help
Nirvana
Hold me, there's too much tension
Grade me, I'm fucking hungry
Help me, I'm fucking cornered
Grade me, you might be right
Lightning fucking around in my head
Fierce, dangerous, pathetic, fucked up
People freaking every day
White lights inside
What do you want
Cold naked man, picked off his scabs and
Fed them to the pigeons
Help him, he's fucking cornered
Grade him it might be fun
Lightning fucking around in my head, etc...
Hold me, something's happening
Help me, somebody help me
Hold me, I'm fucking hungry
Help me, I'm right here, who are you?
Naked man you say you saw
Fed them, to the pigeons
Help him, he's fucking cornered
Grade him, it might be fun
Lightning fucking around in my head, etc...
Help me, I'm fucking hungry
Help me, I'm fucking up
Hold me, some fucking help
1.31.2004
Lauren's mom heard this when she heard my voice-mail:
There are words like Freedom
sweet and wonderful to say.
On my heart-strings freedom sings
all day everyday
There are words like Liberty
that almost make me cry.
If you had known what I knew
You would know why.
----Langston Hughes
Fitting I think.
There are words like Freedom
sweet and wonderful to say.
On my heart-strings freedom sings
all day everyday
There are words like Liberty
that almost make me cry.
If you had known what I knew
You would know why.
----Langston Hughes
Fitting I think.
1.30.2004
So I'm probably moving home in the next week or so. I'm working on getting this trail crew gig and I need to get into to shape for it. If I do get the position then the only contact I will have with anyone is snail mail. If you would like to get a letter from me you should e-mail me your mailing address in the next month. I'm sure all two of you will reply.
peace
peace
1.28.2004
For now i'm updating from le ludlow biblioteque. That's totally not how to spell that but whatever. I feel like a shaken lava lamp. It seems the blobs are attracted to eachother and morph into themselves and then it all gets shaken down into little blobs that don't know what to do.
I'm hungry.
I need a job.
I'm not going to find one.
I can't pay rent.
I've sold everything that anyone would buy.
I'm still hungry.
I suck at life.
I'm hungry.
I need a job.
I'm not going to find one.
I can't pay rent.
I've sold everything that anyone would buy.
I'm still hungry.
I suck at life.
1.25.2004
The snow came down today like an alien invasion. I wonder what primitive man thought the first time he saw snow. It would probably freak me out if I had never seen it before and didn't know what it was.
A black MGB overlooks a small river valley. Inside a small boy is crying. The loud booms and flashes of light were too much for him so he hid his head in fear. Who new the flashes of kodak color across the sky were so beautifully haunting. A man stands with his girlfriend outside the car, ohs and ahs leaving their lips pointed at the sky. The father is sad that his little boy doesn't appreciate the fireworks. They end to the boys sniffles and whimpers. The multicolor blasts were over until the next year when the boy wouldn't be so upset.
Nitrous fills my lungs to the devil beat of children. They are saying the pledge of allegance in demonic code. Traces of light fill the sky at my outstreched fingers. "They're so close." he whispers as if not to let any one else know. Streched tape feeding itself into action, the sound is back to the steady booms and rock music. They huddle into the tent for another round. They emerge glossy-eyed and dizzy with the rumbles. The last moments of explosions rip open the sky letting the smoke drift away in little bunny shapes. Everyone leaves and the travelers smoke in peace and talk about what is to come.
The steps between and after have spit me out here.
A black MGB overlooks a small river valley. Inside a small boy is crying. The loud booms and flashes of light were too much for him so he hid his head in fear. Who new the flashes of kodak color across the sky were so beautifully haunting. A man stands with his girlfriend outside the car, ohs and ahs leaving their lips pointed at the sky. The father is sad that his little boy doesn't appreciate the fireworks. They end to the boys sniffles and whimpers. The multicolor blasts were over until the next year when the boy wouldn't be so upset.
Nitrous fills my lungs to the devil beat of children. They are saying the pledge of allegance in demonic code. Traces of light fill the sky at my outstreched fingers. "They're so close." he whispers as if not to let any one else know. Streched tape feeding itself into action, the sound is back to the steady booms and rock music. They huddle into the tent for another round. They emerge glossy-eyed and dizzy with the rumbles. The last moments of explosions rip open the sky letting the smoke drift away in little bunny shapes. Everyone leaves and the travelers smoke in peace and talk about what is to come.
The steps between and after have spit me out here.
1.24.2004
1.22.2004
Everything has fallen apart. The woods are calling me in a way i've never felt before.
Fuck technology, fuck TV, fuck the midwest, fuck drugs, fuck bars, fuck population growth, fuck crime, fuck cars, fuck urban views, fuck the news, fuck booze, fuck losing.
"I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion. The very nakedness and simplicity of man's life in the primitive ages implies the advantage, at least, that they left him still but a sojourner in nature. When he was refreshed with food and sleep, he contemplated his journey again. He dwelt, as it were, in a tent in this world, and was either threading the valleys, or crossing the plains, or climbing the mountain-tops."
--Henry David Thoreau
Expert from "Walden"
Fuck technology, fuck TV, fuck the midwest, fuck drugs, fuck bars, fuck population growth, fuck crime, fuck cars, fuck urban views, fuck the news, fuck booze, fuck losing.
"I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion. The very nakedness and simplicity of man's life in the primitive ages implies the advantage, at least, that they left him still but a sojourner in nature. When he was refreshed with food and sleep, he contemplated his journey again. He dwelt, as it were, in a tent in this world, and was either threading the valleys, or crossing the plains, or climbing the mountain-tops."
--Henry David Thoreau
Expert from "Walden"
1.19.2004
Today was full of productivity. This morning I woke up and cleaned the apartment from the "week-end of cheap beer." I gathered my laundry and got everything nice and clean. I read and wrote some stuff. I finished my final paper for English. I'm about to schedule my classes for next semester.
Right now consists of political background noise, some incubus, and my red long-johns.
They're all warm and comfortable.
Right now consists of political background noise, some incubus, and my red long-johns.
They're all warm and comfortable.
1.18.2004
Last night was my birthday 'party'. It consisted of people coming to see my drunk ass and then leaving because I didn't have anything to say. I'm pretty sure I didn't move other than getting more beer for like 2 hours. I bought a present for a girl today. Not really sure if I'm going to give it to her though.
Winter is slowly eating it's way through the souls of my feet. Salt all over our living room floor.
I heard the moans of climax last night coming through my bedroom wall. I listened to the pleasure and mourned the memory of happiness buried beneath warm blankets.
Winter is slowly eating it's way through the souls of my feet. Salt all over our living room floor.
I heard the moans of climax last night coming through my bedroom wall. I listened to the pleasure and mourned the memory of happiness buried beneath warm blankets.
1.15.2004
Skateboarding is life. Adventure of the ordinary object. Flowing like a brush against concrete canvas. Fluid against fluid, blood against blood. There is no beggining, no end, only motion. Every day I skate is the perfect day. Despite cops, corporate sluts, commercialism; skateboarding is free. Free to anyone who wants it and anyone who will take it. Stainless steel bearings of sphirical freedom. Grounded only in the gravity that pulls us all down. Flesh to flesh and skin ripping away in bloddy smears. Nothing feels like concrete in your skin. What does disaster taste like? Have you ever used your body to fly? I roll across curves of earth. Soaring, carving, singing two inches from the ground.
1.14.2004
1.11.2004
1.10.2004
screaming at the graffiti walls
longlegs walking through the halls
robotrip to find the way
thinking words that I can't say
have a hit and waste your mind
blacklight paint and hope to find
looking at the ceiling swirls
pressing my face against his curls
tripped out painting of fungi
expressing thoughts until I die
creeping through the crowd
and techno bumping loud
until we make it stop
we drop
and drips of paint
upon my flesh
cold and wet
waiting to be pressed against the wall
slip slide slop in my brain
dropping the colors slow as rain
wearing these rainbow paints
praising our skin as if we were saints
we turn and churn with waves of sound
emotions and thoughts we spew unbound
mind reels with creative thought
a trip to find without being bought
we move with music pulse of light
my skin explodes a beautiful sight
we paint the walls with our fire minds
without restraint of the tie that binds
breaking chains
energy drains
we smear our souls
against the walls
and mindfuck twists
we cum on ourselves in creative bliss
longlegs walking through the halls
robotrip to find the way
thinking words that I can't say
have a hit and waste your mind
blacklight paint and hope to find
looking at the ceiling swirls
pressing my face against his curls
tripped out painting of fungi
expressing thoughts until I die
creeping through the crowd
and techno bumping loud
until we make it stop
we drop
and drips of paint
upon my flesh
cold and wet
waiting to be pressed against the wall
slip slide slop in my brain
dropping the colors slow as rain
wearing these rainbow paints
praising our skin as if we were saints
we turn and churn with waves of sound
emotions and thoughts we spew unbound
mind reels with creative thought
a trip to find without being bought
we move with music pulse of light
my skin explodes a beautiful sight
we paint the walls with our fire minds
without restraint of the tie that binds
breaking chains
energy drains
we smear our souls
against the walls
and mindfuck twists
we cum on ourselves in creative bliss
Last night was fanfuckingtabulous. Two bottles of DM, Two blunts, A stange circle a friends, Two blacklights, Glowpaint, Todd's walls, painting eachother, Eight beers, passed out. I'd give you the details but they're still a bit blurry.
There was none of this last night
There was none of this last night
1.08.2004
1.05.2004
I'm in love.
This girl is ridiculous. I'd like to drink wine with her and listen to her play guitar for hours.
Kaki King
This girl is ridiculous. I'd like to drink wine with her and listen to her play guitar for hours.
Kaki King
1.03.2004
12.30.2003
12.28.2003
So I went to Florence a couple days ago and I fucked up my wrist. I didn't get to play guitar yesterday and I realized that it was the first day in a really long time that I have not played.
My wrist is feeling a lot better today and I played a little.
It's so beautiful out today. Ian and I went to Burnet to take part in a tribal ritual. It was great. We found this ballon that was half still floating. I kicked it and followed it some. It seemed like a fat old man that wanted to get around but couldn't quite make it.
My wrist is feeling a lot better today and I played a little.
It's so beautiful out today. Ian and I went to Burnet to take part in a tribal ritual. It was great. We found this ballon that was half still floating. I kicked it and followed it some. It seemed like a fat old man that wanted to get around but couldn't quite make it.
12.27.2003
Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease
While several human TSEs exist, Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease (CJD) is the prototype human TSE. CJD occurs in a form associated with a hereditary predisposition (approximately 5–10% of all cases) and in a more common, sporadic form that accounts for 85–90% of cases.
A small percentage of cases (less than 5%) are iatrogenic (resulting from the accidental transmission of the causative agent via contaminated surgical equipment or as a result of cornea or dura mater transplants). It has also been shown that CJD can be transmitted to humans as a result of treatment with natural human growth hormone. Replacement of natural human growth hormone by recombinant growth hormone has alleviated this risk.
While several human TSEs exist, Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease (CJD) is the prototype human TSE. CJD occurs in a form associated with a hereditary predisposition (approximately 5–10% of all cases) and in a more common, sporadic form that accounts for 85–90% of cases.
A small percentage of cases (less than 5%) are iatrogenic (resulting from the accidental transmission of the causative agent via contaminated surgical equipment or as a result of cornea or dura mater transplants). It has also been shown that CJD can be transmitted to humans as a result of treatment with natural human growth hormone. Replacement of natural human growth hormone by recombinant growth hormone has alleviated this risk.
12.26.2003
"Drunk driving puts lives at risk-- and so does driving a Ford SUV. Oil dependence drives conflicts that kil innocent people. Our addiction to oil also fuels global warming that puts us all in danger. Please take a moment to consider the true costs of owning an SUV, and reconsider owning one"
---Global Exchange propaganda
Found on my dad's truck x-mas morning.
---Global Exchange propaganda
Found on my dad's truck x-mas morning.
12.25.2003
Holy Fucking Christmas!! Wooden Man Records is the fucking shit.
I listened to Arcade- Bank of America and I came in my pants. It's most excellent.
I listened to Arcade- Bank of America and I came in my pants. It's most excellent.
12.22.2003
Plastic Beauty----
I find myself in a bathroom. 8x12 ft. water runs down the tile shower walls, still wet from the last cleansing. Floor in disarray, shambles, used linens and forgotten hope lying all over the fucking place. A whisper of death smeared across the floor. Mirror askew as if hanging itself with doom. SOmething that once resembled hair sits in the basin waiting to be flushed away along with traces of cigarette, tears, and lonesome dying. Fingerprints remain pressed against the window searching for some escape. I piss, relieving myself of some burden. I feel the disease that was afflicting this place. I look into the screwed mirror and slide into the lakes of my pupils staring back at me.
I find myself in a bathroom. 8x12 ft. water runs down the tile shower walls, still wet from the last cleansing. Floor in disarray, shambles, used linens and forgotten hope lying all over the fucking place. A whisper of death smeared across the floor. Mirror askew as if hanging itself with doom. SOmething that once resembled hair sits in the basin waiting to be flushed away along with traces of cigarette, tears, and lonesome dying. Fingerprints remain pressed against the window searching for some escape. I piss, relieving myself of some burden. I feel the disease that was afflicting this place. I look into the screwed mirror and slide into the lakes of my pupils staring back at me.
12.19.2003
water flows and time it rolls
flow upstream against the current
florecent views and underwater clues
you choose your own path
crumbled surface
stars and moon
radio frequency bouncing and turning
freaked out energy beams that
you can't see or touch
circle circles turn around
see the sound with stereoscopes
as big as your house
quiet and stealthy as a mouse
it lurks and feedsin the night-time air
and stares out there
wicked ways and sunspot days
it trickles it's way down
down down it flows
the electrons hit us in furious droves
fitfull bellies and all their cellies
picking up cosmic voices
and it all falls down this way
Energy is everything
this way and that way
flow upstream against the current
florecent views and underwater clues
you choose your own path
crumbled surface
stars and moon
radio frequency bouncing and turning
freaked out energy beams that
you can't see or touch
circle circles turn around
see the sound with stereoscopes
as big as your house
quiet and stealthy as a mouse
it lurks and feedsin the night-time air
and stares out there
wicked ways and sunspot days
it trickles it's way down
down down it flows
the electrons hit us in furious droves
fitfull bellies and all their cellies
picking up cosmic voices
and it all falls down this way
Energy is everything
this way and that way
12.16.2003
12.11.2003
I had one wierd ass dream last night. It started with me at work trying to get some weed. Everyone that I've met through that place was in the dream. I was following this shadowy blond girl. I walked around and met more people that i've talked to since I've been here, like Daniel. (Daniel is a homeless man with a severe drinking problem, I used to see him out and I always try to talk to him and make him smile) Then I got to this house where Deric S. and all the Muncie kids were. For some reason my amp was there and it took my attention away from the shadowy blond girl. I aparently ate some sort of psychadelic at this house because all the colors in my dream started phasing through easchother. THe people at this house were just sitting around so I took my amp and left wondering where that elusive blond girl went. As I was walking up the street a massive party exploded out of the front door of this house so I sat down my amp plugged it in and started rocking out. People sat around and talked and drank while I played. Playing guitar in my dream was very vivid. I see the blond girl walk in the house and I follow. Watever I took at the last house is really doing a number on me by now and I can barely walk. I see a girl I went to high school with (who i would actually still enjoy talking to) and i try to talk to her, but she hands me a drink and pushes me farther into the party. I turn around to look at her but she's not there and when I turn around again everyone is made out of coumns of water. That was too much so I went outside. I found the blond girl, and she says "have you been following me?" "yes" I reply wanting to touch her. "Well you found me, now what?"
I wake up.
I wake up.
12.10.2003
12.09.2003
prick your finger it is done
the moon has now eclipsed the sun
the angel has spread it's wings
the time has come for bitter things
---Antichrist Superstar
speaking of which:
Hi George Bush,
Someone has sent you an e-card from www.checkyourself.com
Eat It! Bush
--Your friends at checkyourself.com
actual question from 'check yourself':
"Does your marijuana use let you live in a privately defined world?"
I brought my amp home and it's been great having it around all the time. Tonight I hooked Aaron's keyboard into my amp and I make some great noises and beats. It was fun as hell. I can't wait until Graham comes back to the natti so we can start recording.
the moon has now eclipsed the sun
the angel has spread it's wings
the time has come for bitter things
---Antichrist Superstar
speaking of which:
Hi George Bush,
Someone has sent you an e-card from www.checkyourself.com
Eat It! Bush
--Your friends at checkyourself.com
actual question from 'check yourself':
"Does your marijuana use let you live in a privately defined world?"
I brought my amp home and it's been great having it around all the time. Tonight I hooked Aaron's keyboard into my amp and I make some great noises and beats. It was fun as hell. I can't wait until Graham comes back to the natti so we can start recording.
12.07.2003
I'm supposed to be working on math right now but I'm drinking wine instead. My friend Jessica is moving out of her apartment soon so I'll be losing a neighbor. It's always fun to hang out with her and watch a movie, smoke a bowl, take pictures. She said she's not going to move very far away so we'll get to hang out.
What are we doing here? Consume, produce, destroy, create.
What are we doing here? Consume, produce, destroy, create.
12.06.2003
12.04.2003
An atheist, a bhuddist and a muslim walk into a bar.
the muslim doesn't drink and orders a virgin daquiri
the bhuddist has a beer and the
atheist is on the floor.
In other News:
Victory City!!
the muslim doesn't drink and orders a virgin daquiri
the bhuddist has a beer and the
atheist is on the floor.
In other News:
Victory City!!
12.02.2003
After class today I spoke with a monk. He has been studying for 10 years and is from Cambodia. We spoke of Energy, Meditation, Compassion, Modivation. Many things. It was great. Shortly after I sat down to talk a Muslim woman sat down and we all talked together. She said that we were like different grasses that live in the same yard. The grasses are different, yet none of them harm the other.
I told him of my confusion with religion and that I didn't trust it. I told him that the only thing I can believe in is me. I think he agreed.
I told him of my confusion with religion and that I didn't trust it. I told him that the only thing I can believe in is me. I think he agreed.
11.30.2003
like lauren bacall
she lights up them all
the punks with thier metal
the goths all in black
Her fiery headed goodness
the icing on it all
the streets full of traffic
the air full of life
Wake up my pretty
and see through it all
soon the lights dim
and soon we part ways
waiting
for a moment
to set my eyes
on you
11.29.2003
SO thanksgiving is over. I had my fill of turkey, family, and friends. Is was a good trip hanging out with Al playing music and driving around.
I've developed quite a bit of anxiety about Madison. Not Madison, just me in madison I guess. Cera called me and wanted me to hang out with her. No way. I saw this girl at the thanksgiving game that knows the 3rd street crew and she was like, "Everyone down there wants to see you." so I said, "They can all just kiss off into the air"
There are not enough people in the world that know the awesome power of THe Violent Femmes.
I've developed quite a bit of anxiety about Madison. Not Madison, just me in madison I guess. Cera called me and wanted me to hang out with her. No way. I saw this girl at the thanksgiving game that knows the 3rd street crew and she was like, "Everyone down there wants to see you." so I said, "They can all just kiss off into the air"
There are not enough people in the world that know the awesome power of THe Violent Femmes.
11.25.2003
11.23.2003
Wow... what an eventfull evening. I went to work this morning at 1pm and stayed there until about 4 when I got pissed off at my boss and left. I wasn't supposed to be there until 6 so I said fuck it and went to UC. I layed down for awhile and took a mini-nap. I woke up and saw some guys kickeing a soccer ball around so I joined them. After that I went back to work and it was OK.
I got off around 8 and walked up Mcmillan. I called a couple people until I got ahold of Madie. SHe said she was having a party and I should show up. I was a block from her house so I went. We hung out, we got my guitar, we got more beer for the party, we partied. No-one at the party had any ganja, so I strolled onward to ludlow. I got to my apt as Micah was leaving. On my way back up CLifton i walked passed the esquire, which plays lots of indie flicks, and rocky horror was about to start. I yelled at the group of people, "Why all the black guys, lets put some color in our lifes!" I started to run away when someone yelled at me. "Come back" they said so i mossied my way back towards the theatre. a tall redhead came up to me and said what's up. I told her that I was headed to a party and that she should come with me. She said rocky horror and I said let's smoke. We went into an alley behind someone's apartment and we smoked a bowl. She was amazing. Lauren. Incredible chick man...
I got her number and left. Jesus it took forever to get up clifton. I got back to the party in time to drink a beer and see our host pass out for the evening. With much partying left in me and headed north once again back to ludlow. On my way I took a side-path to Celina's. We watched tv, smoked and I left. On the move again. As i was walking past the esquire again I saw two people that appeared to be hiding against a wall. I snuck over to them and said, "what are we hididng from?" they anwered, "a friend... would you like to be our friend." she was punk as fuck... Jenny.
I met jenny about 2 months ago. I was in a van with Vinnie (currently in forced rehab by his parents) and Alex (is an ugly, cracked out, homeless, toothless, masogenist, mother-fucking bastard piece of anal lube)
damn-it I'll finish later.
Alex sucks and he was talking all this shit about Jenny that really pissed me off. Anyway I talked to Jenny for little bit and she left. I saw some cops so I walked around the block and when I got back Lauren was standing outside the esquire. I talked to her for awhile and she had to take her friends home so we parted ways.
When I got home Mike gave me a call so I went and hung out with him and passed out.
I had a dream that I witnessed Earth's Exodus. It was cool.
I got off around 8 and walked up Mcmillan. I called a couple people until I got ahold of Madie. SHe said she was having a party and I should show up. I was a block from her house so I went. We hung out, we got my guitar, we got more beer for the party, we partied. No-one at the party had any ganja, so I strolled onward to ludlow. I got to my apt as Micah was leaving. On my way back up CLifton i walked passed the esquire, which plays lots of indie flicks, and rocky horror was about to start. I yelled at the group of people, "Why all the black guys, lets put some color in our lifes!" I started to run away when someone yelled at me. "Come back" they said so i mossied my way back towards the theatre. a tall redhead came up to me and said what's up. I told her that I was headed to a party and that she should come with me. She said rocky horror and I said let's smoke. We went into an alley behind someone's apartment and we smoked a bowl. She was amazing. Lauren. Incredible chick man...
I got her number and left. Jesus it took forever to get up clifton. I got back to the party in time to drink a beer and see our host pass out for the evening. With much partying left in me and headed north once again back to ludlow. On my way I took a side-path to Celina's. We watched tv, smoked and I left. On the move again. As i was walking past the esquire again I saw two people that appeared to be hiding against a wall. I snuck over to them and said, "what are we hididng from?" they anwered, "a friend... would you like to be our friend." she was punk as fuck... Jenny.
I met jenny about 2 months ago. I was in a van with Vinnie (currently in forced rehab by his parents) and Alex (is an ugly, cracked out, homeless, toothless, masogenist, mother-fucking bastard piece of anal lube)
damn-it I'll finish later.
Alex sucks and he was talking all this shit about Jenny that really pissed me off. Anyway I talked to Jenny for little bit and she left. I saw some cops so I walked around the block and when I got back Lauren was standing outside the esquire. I talked to her for awhile and she had to take her friends home so we parted ways.
When I got home Mike gave me a call so I went and hung out with him and passed out.
I had a dream that I witnessed Earth's Exodus. It was cool.
11.21.2003
The Hottest thing I've seen online since Suicide Girls.
Mmm women are yummy.
oh yeah by the way...
FUCK YOU!
Mmm women are yummy.
oh yeah by the way...
FUCK YOU!
11.20.2003
11.19.2003
11.18.2003
11.16.2003
I might be hanging out with this girl Casey tonight. I met her one day while i was skating around UC. She was reading and I sat down next to her and we talked for awhile. We parted ways and I figured that i wouldn't see her again. Then a couple weeks later I was out skating again and saw her. We talked and I got her number. I called her last night and she said she might come hang out with me tonight when she gets out of work. She's really nice and I hope she does come over.
School has been great. I'm really excited about learning again. My classes are a lot more interesting than they were in Muncie.
Did anyone read that kittie poem, because I like it a lot.
Uh....
PENGUIN!!!
School has been great. I'm really excited about learning again. My classes are a lot more interesting than they were in Muncie.
Did anyone read that kittie poem, because I like it a lot.
Uh....
PENGUIN!!!
11.14.2003
Waiting to find out about my financial aid. Supposedly there is a letter somewhere on it's way to me. I wonder.
"this is a day in the life of a geezer"
I'm reading "CLose encounters of the third kind." It's really good so far. Micah hates Spielberg but I don't know why. We went over to mike's last night and played some Euchre. I watched Raising Arizona last night in my drunkeness and passed out. Mike woke me up so I mumbled something and went downstairs and passed out. good times
"this is a day in the life of a geezer"
I'm reading "CLose encounters of the third kind." It's really good so far. Micah hates Spielberg but I don't know why. We went over to mike's last night and played some Euchre. I watched Raising Arizona last night in my drunkeness and passed out. Mike woke me up so I mumbled something and went downstairs and passed out. good times
11.13.2003
11.12.2003
Burninating Madison
and my hoebag ex-girlfriend
Burn baby Burn!!!
Lot's of things pissed me off today. Unfortuanatly, I enjoy my freedom too much to start an exploding rampage. Damn laws.
Is setting a worthless pile of shit on fire a use of positive or negative energy. speak amongst yourselves.
OK
Conan will make it better.
and my hoebag ex-girlfriend
Burn baby Burn!!!
Lot's of things pissed me off today. Unfortuanatly, I enjoy my freedom too much to start an exploding rampage. Damn laws.
Is setting a worthless pile of shit on fire a use of positive or negative energy. speak amongst yourselves.
OK
Conan will make it better.
11.10.2003
I finished reading "Venus in Furs" tonight and I thought it was a great book.
While surfing the web looking for venus related items i found: VIntage Erotica.
This image is from In the Rain
thank you!
also see:
RetroRaunch, see the tour
While surfing the web looking for venus related items i found: VIntage Erotica.
This image is from In the Rain
thank you!
also see:
RetroRaunch, see the tour
11.09.2003
11.08.2003
To the alley bar and through parked cars
kittie i think i found you there
you scratched my back and i'll scratch yours
i've touched your fur and i want more
break-beat club, smoky sentiments
gin and tonics for ladies and gents
dance groove shakes bass quakes
grab a glass and do what it takes
SO i found this cat and i wanna take her home
curl up next to the fire
you scratched my back and i'll scratch yours
i've touched your fur and i want more
sit down to my bloody valentine
now where did i leave my line
relax gatto we've got more drugs
then she swats at invisible bugs
kittie i think i found you there
you scratched my back and i'll scratch yours
i've touched your fur and i want more
break-beat club, smoky sentiments
gin and tonics for ladies and gents
dance groove shakes bass quakes
grab a glass and do what it takes
SO i found this cat and i wanna take her home
curl up next to the fire
you scratched my back and i'll scratch yours
i've touched your fur and i want more
sit down to my bloody valentine
now where did i leave my line
relax gatto we've got more drugs
then she swats at invisible bugs
11.05.2003
11.04.2003
the sky is very blue today. It's that way because it's made of water. amazing.
I passed out on the couch last night and as Micah was going to school i woke up and he said "you can sleep in your bed you know." I don't think he understands what a lonely place my bed has become. Other than a couple months here and there, I've shared my bed for the past 3 years. Sleeping is 50,000 times better when there's someone lying next to you.
Yes i am lonely.
I passed out on the couch last night and as Micah was going to school i woke up and he said "you can sleep in your bed you know." I don't think he understands what a lonely place my bed has become. Other than a couple months here and there, I've shared my bed for the past 3 years. Sleeping is 50,000 times better when there's someone lying next to you.
Yes i am lonely.
"whats this about jumping over a balcony at the mere beck-and-call of Mindy? Huh huh?"
So, mindy is this girl that goes to school with Micah. SHe's really hot and at the Halloween party she said something hilarious. "Are you gonna come over here or am i going to have to come over there." Believe me, at the time it totally cracked me up and killed me all at the same time. So I jumped off a 10 ft. balcony. Oh... I forgot to mention that Mindy was dressed as a playboy bunny. Mmmm...
SO, now I'mm pretty drunk and having a very difficult time typing.
I can't wait for Thanksgiving. Al is coming back to the midwest for one last horrah. We have lots of plans and I'm sure it's going to be an excellent time.
So, mindy is this girl that goes to school with Micah. SHe's really hot and at the Halloween party she said something hilarious. "Are you gonna come over here or am i going to have to come over there." Believe me, at the time it totally cracked me up and killed me all at the same time. So I jumped off a 10 ft. balcony. Oh... I forgot to mention that Mindy was dressed as a playboy bunny. Mmmm...
SO, now I'mm pretty drunk and having a very difficult time typing.
I can't wait for Thanksgiving. Al is coming back to the midwest for one last horrah. We have lots of plans and I'm sure it's going to be an excellent time.
11.02.2003
Wasted Energy
I forgot that you were not next to me
but maybe it wasn't meant to be
you were off and doing your own thing
and you havn't stopped to hear me sing
Chorus
I take another drink
and I start to sink
drunken wondering guy
do you think he'll stop by
do you think he'll stop by
I stop by your house
ring the bell and hope you're there
picture postcard memories
i wish i had some of those
i wanna share all my songs with you
sing you everything i know
i wear my thoughts like a saftey pin
oh man i think i'm drunk again
I forgot that you were not next to me
but maybe it wasn't meant to be
you were off and doing your own thing
and you havn't stopped to hear me sing
Chorus
I take another drink
and I start to sink
drunken wondering guy
do you think he'll stop by
do you think he'll stop by
I stop by your house
ring the bell and hope you're there
picture postcard memories
i wish i had some of those
i wanna share all my songs with you
sing you everything i know
i wear my thoughts like a saftey pin
oh man i think i'm drunk again
11.01.2003
Last night was great. It was nice and warm. Micah got incredibly wasted so I drove us home. Then I found myself in Florence, KY in some fucking mansion. It was kindof wierd actually but hey what's halloween for right?
I invited Virginia to the cave today. I don't know if she'll come or not. I wrote her a song.
I invited Virginia to the cave today. I don't know if she'll come or not. I wrote her a song.
10.31.2003
Happy Halloween.
I'm going to get really wasted tonight. Big surprise huh.
I ate a dose the other night and tripped for 8 hours straight. I got lost in a pool. gratuitous spaciousness.
We went out to this point that overlooks downtown and it was really cool. Looking down at the city and thinking about all the different things that were going on right in front of me. Crazy.
I hope everyone has a fantastic night. I know i will.
I'm going to get really wasted tonight. Big surprise huh.
I ate a dose the other night and tripped for 8 hours straight. I got lost in a pool. gratuitous spaciousness.
We went out to this point that overlooks downtown and it was really cool. Looking down at the city and thinking about all the different things that were going on right in front of me. Crazy.
I hope everyone has a fantastic night. I know i will.
10.26.2003
10.24.2003
10.22.2003
The smallest form of existence is the atom. dense mass core, satellites, and space. Everything and nothingness all explained to us by the smallest form of energy. Energy is everything that there is. The law of conservation of energy states that energy may neither be created nor destroyed. This means that there is only so much energy floating around out there, and obviously there is only so much energy that we will have in our lifetimes. Eventually all the energy that makes up what I am will be gone. Gone in the form of something else.
There are forms of energy transfer that are not often thought of. Let's do an experiment.
Energy is Truth.
Now let's talk about all the ways energy was just transfered. The first was my thinking (electronic impulses in my brain) the statement "Energy is Truth." Then I used energy in my muscles to move my fingers to type. As my fingers touched the keys it sent a signal into my computer making the statement appear to me on my monitor as pixels. When I posted this on my site, a server somewhere recieved my digital data and recorded it to a hard-drive. When you typed in the address of my site your brain was sending out the signal to your fingers that you wanted to see what I had to say today. Reading the data on that same hard-drive your computer translated it so you could read these words. When you read the statement your eyes were looking at the words which your brain translated in a way that only you can understand.
Energy is amazing. It is everything that is not space. I am effecting your energy right now. Is it coincedence that the smallest thing we know of looks just like the biggest thing we know of. I don't think so. We must take full advantage of our life energy and try to use our energy for good. Creation is the highest form of energy. Art, Birth, Music, Blogging; all these things are created by people who are using their energy in ways that affect not only their local environment but possibly the whole world.
There is energy and nothingness. Everything that is energy is truth.
Look how much our solar system looks like the atom. Flatten it out and look at it from the side. Here you go:
This is a near-infrared picture of the Milky Way.
Saturday morning Micah and I headed out to Red River Gorge.
it was a great drive down and we found the trail-head with a tiny bit of difficulty. Once we found the trail we loaded up our beer, food, and blankets for the night. We found Micah's friends easily and hung out for awhile. We drank beers and roasted marshmallows. The woods around the camp were lit up from our fire and it was so wonderfully quiet. Dave who had planned the trip was drinking some booze out of a canteen and I asked what it was. 99 blueberries was the response. Highly recomended.
After we relaxed, ate, and the sun went down Beth and Zack talked about an overlook that they had found before. We all got ready and headed out. Walking around in the woods with a flashlight, laughing, talking was great. Once we got to the point it was beautiful. We looked out over this valley that was dark and above us the milky way shimmered. We sat and stared at the sky with our mouths open at how huge it was. We all made up constellations that don't exist anywhere other than our minds like 'the dolphin' and 'the sperm'. We talked about super-powers and needles and the cars that drove past on the road below us. Micah and I got pretty stoned and chilled while everyone talked and looked up. We saw some shooting stars and then a couple showed up and totaly harshed my mellow. We didn't want them to be there and they didn't want us there so I tried to get everyone rounded up to head back to camp. It took awhile since we were all intoxicated. We got back to camp and after some sassafras tea that I dug up everyone pretty much went to sleep. I stayed next to the fire and woke up every once in awhile to put wood on the fire. I fell asleep with a log to my back and a smile on my face.
When I woke up Micah was messing with the fire and the sun had just come up. Zack had gotten up and was making coffee. I sat and felt the heat off the fire. It was so peacefull to wake up and have absolutly no obligations for the day.
Zack and Micah decided that they were going out to the lookout to watch the sun rise over the valley. I went back to sleep and woke up to some people coming into camp. It was Mike and his girl whosenameican'tremember. We'll call her kristen just for editing purposes. So we talked to them and found out that they had slept in their car at the trailhead. Micah was off to Nashville so we told him good-bye and he was gone.
I asked everyone if they were cool with me staying even though none of us really knew eachother. Everyone was pretty positive about me staying and it made me happy. I threw together some food and talked to Dave. We were both cooking different things and bonce around different ideas for what to do with our fantastic day. I asked if he had a topo map and he did. I looked at the map and choose a route for us to hike for the day. I told everyone about it and we all got ready. We set out and headed down a steep hill. After awhile we got below the cliff-line and we found a couple different caves. One was 'confessional cave' and the other one was 'Dave's Bed Cave' Shortly after we found those we got down to the main creek. We walked and crossed the creek uncoutable times. We found a train wheel. We found someone else's campsite and two rocks tied to a string. I didn't see it but Dave saw a dead racoon.
We got to the road and the river but didn't see any sign of the footbridge that was marked on the map. Looking at it I knew exactly where we were. We had the option to take the road (the longest path back to camp) or take on the hillside. Dave and I consulted the map and picked out a ravine that seemed hikable. As we went up I found a large hole that an animal was probably living in but I counldn't decide what animal. We got about 3/4 of the way up and got faced with 100 foot cliffs all around us. We cut across to the other side through all these holly trees. Once we all got across we came to a really sketchy section of hillside that was questionable as to it's saftey. I told everyone to wait until I got to the top to tell them if it was cool or not. It was certainly difficult but I was confident that everyone could make it and we all did. The view was great and we pushed on. We hiked past 3 different ridges and went through lots of sticker bushes. At the end of one of the ridges was a cliff, we saw some smoke coming from the bottom of the cliff and didn't think much about it. When we got back to camp we all relaxed and ate some food. I looked at the map later and checked the scale and found out that we had hiked 4 miles.
Dave and I decided that we really needed to get beer to celebrate our triumphant return to camp. (Greatly simplified version) We drove, we drove, we got wierd looks, we drove, we got told no a lot, we drove and then I got the idea that we might be able to find some moonshine. I stopped at a local store in the gorge and asked some old timers who had no idea what I was talking about. SOme redneck girl said something to me that i couldn't hear so i walked over to her.
"You got a joint?"
"Maybe... do you know where I could get some moon-shine?"
"yeah but it's like 10-15 miles away"
"Ok let's go you can ride with us"
"I don't know, you going to smoke with us?"
"Take me to get the moonshine and come back to camp with us."
"I can't go"
"What do you mean... you want to get high, i want some moonshine, what's the problem?"
"I can't go anywhere"
It hit me at that moment that she just wanted to trick me out of a joint by saying she knew where to get me moonshine when she really had no idea. I GOT HOSED!!
Beerless, Moonshineless, and very dissapointed we returned to camp. Everyone was chilling so I joined them and we prepared for our night retreat to the lookout. We had some friends with us. Doober, 99 Blueberries, and So Co. We smoked and all sat back marveling at the stars when we heard someone coming down the trail.
"We're with the Sheriffs Department. We had a report of a bright glow coming off the end of one of these ridges."
We told him about the smoke we had seen and showed him where we saw it from. Their were some guys out in trucks that were looking for the fire that had radios. They talked back and forth in that mysterious code until as one of the trucks guys was looking for our flashlights to see our location he said this.
"I think i see you... no that's an airplane." Oh my we all busted out laughing and it was great. They eventually left and thanked us for our help. We all decided that it was probably just some people camped at the base of the cliff.
When we got back to camp Dave and Zack and I talked about energy for a long time and passed out.
We woke up and decided to head back to the natti so we did. I rode with Dave on the way back and mostly we listened to music.
I had such a fantastic time this weekend and I want to thank everyone who had any part of it. Yeah that probably means you.
later
it was a great drive down and we found the trail-head with a tiny bit of difficulty. Once we found the trail we loaded up our beer, food, and blankets for the night. We found Micah's friends easily and hung out for awhile. We drank beers and roasted marshmallows. The woods around the camp were lit up from our fire and it was so wonderfully quiet. Dave who had planned the trip was drinking some booze out of a canteen and I asked what it was. 99 blueberries was the response. Highly recomended.
After we relaxed, ate, and the sun went down Beth and Zack talked about an overlook that they had found before. We all got ready and headed out. Walking around in the woods with a flashlight, laughing, talking was great. Once we got to the point it was beautiful. We looked out over this valley that was dark and above us the milky way shimmered. We sat and stared at the sky with our mouths open at how huge it was. We all made up constellations that don't exist anywhere other than our minds like 'the dolphin' and 'the sperm'. We talked about super-powers and needles and the cars that drove past on the road below us. Micah and I got pretty stoned and chilled while everyone talked and looked up. We saw some shooting stars and then a couple showed up and totaly harshed my mellow. We didn't want them to be there and they didn't want us there so I tried to get everyone rounded up to head back to camp. It took awhile since we were all intoxicated. We got back to camp and after some sassafras tea that I dug up everyone pretty much went to sleep. I stayed next to the fire and woke up every once in awhile to put wood on the fire. I fell asleep with a log to my back and a smile on my face.
When I woke up Micah was messing with the fire and the sun had just come up. Zack had gotten up and was making coffee. I sat and felt the heat off the fire. It was so peacefull to wake up and have absolutly no obligations for the day.
Zack and Micah decided that they were going out to the lookout to watch the sun rise over the valley. I went back to sleep and woke up to some people coming into camp. It was Mike and his girl whosenameican'tremember. We'll call her kristen just for editing purposes. So we talked to them and found out that they had slept in their car at the trailhead. Micah was off to Nashville so we told him good-bye and he was gone.
I asked everyone if they were cool with me staying even though none of us really knew eachother. Everyone was pretty positive about me staying and it made me happy. I threw together some food and talked to Dave. We were both cooking different things and bonce around different ideas for what to do with our fantastic day. I asked if he had a topo map and he did. I looked at the map and choose a route for us to hike for the day. I told everyone about it and we all got ready. We set out and headed down a steep hill. After awhile we got below the cliff-line and we found a couple different caves. One was 'confessional cave' and the other one was 'Dave's Bed Cave' Shortly after we found those we got down to the main creek. We walked and crossed the creek uncoutable times. We found a train wheel. We found someone else's campsite and two rocks tied to a string. I didn't see it but Dave saw a dead racoon.
We got to the road and the river but didn't see any sign of the footbridge that was marked on the map. Looking at it I knew exactly where we were. We had the option to take the road (the longest path back to camp) or take on the hillside. Dave and I consulted the map and picked out a ravine that seemed hikable. As we went up I found a large hole that an animal was probably living in but I counldn't decide what animal. We got about 3/4 of the way up and got faced with 100 foot cliffs all around us. We cut across to the other side through all these holly trees. Once we all got across we came to a really sketchy section of hillside that was questionable as to it's saftey. I told everyone to wait until I got to the top to tell them if it was cool or not. It was certainly difficult but I was confident that everyone could make it and we all did. The view was great and we pushed on. We hiked past 3 different ridges and went through lots of sticker bushes. At the end of one of the ridges was a cliff, we saw some smoke coming from the bottom of the cliff and didn't think much about it. When we got back to camp we all relaxed and ate some food. I looked at the map later and checked the scale and found out that we had hiked 4 miles.
Dave and I decided that we really needed to get beer to celebrate our triumphant return to camp. (Greatly simplified version) We drove, we drove, we got wierd looks, we drove, we got told no a lot, we drove and then I got the idea that we might be able to find some moonshine. I stopped at a local store in the gorge and asked some old timers who had no idea what I was talking about. SOme redneck girl said something to me that i couldn't hear so i walked over to her.
"You got a joint?"
"Maybe... do you know where I could get some moon-shine?"
"yeah but it's like 10-15 miles away"
"Ok let's go you can ride with us"
"I don't know, you going to smoke with us?"
"Take me to get the moonshine and come back to camp with us."
"I can't go"
"What do you mean... you want to get high, i want some moonshine, what's the problem?"
"I can't go anywhere"
It hit me at that moment that she just wanted to trick me out of a joint by saying she knew where to get me moonshine when she really had no idea. I GOT HOSED!!
Beerless, Moonshineless, and very dissapointed we returned to camp. Everyone was chilling so I joined them and we prepared for our night retreat to the lookout. We had some friends with us. Doober, 99 Blueberries, and So Co. We smoked and all sat back marveling at the stars when we heard someone coming down the trail.
"We're with the Sheriffs Department. We had a report of a bright glow coming off the end of one of these ridges."
We told him about the smoke we had seen and showed him where we saw it from. Their were some guys out in trucks that were looking for the fire that had radios. They talked back and forth in that mysterious code until as one of the trucks guys was looking for our flashlights to see our location he said this.
"I think i see you... no that's an airplane." Oh my we all busted out laughing and it was great. They eventually left and thanked us for our help. We all decided that it was probably just some people camped at the base of the cliff.
When we got back to camp Dave and Zack and I talked about energy for a long time and passed out.
We woke up and decided to head back to the natti so we did. I rode with Dave on the way back and mostly we listened to music.
I had such a fantastic time this weekend and I want to thank everyone who had any part of it. Yeah that probably means you.
later
(You are stellar)
Meet me in outer space
we could spend the night
watch the earth come up
I've grown tired of that place
won't you come with me
we could start again
How do you do it
make me feel like I do
how do you do it
it's better than I ever knew, ooh
Meet me in outer space
I will hold you close
if your afraid of heights
I need you to see this place
it might be the only way
that I can show you how
it feels to be inside of you
How do you do it
make me feel like I do
how do you do it
it's better than I ever knew, ooh
how do you do it
make me feel like I do
Do, oh oh oh oh oh
you are stellar
you are stellar
How do you do it
make me feel like I do
how do you do it
it's better than I ever knew, ooh
how do you do it
make me feel like I do
how do you do it
make me feel like I do, yeah
Incubus
Meet me in outer space
we could spend the night
watch the earth come up
I've grown tired of that place
won't you come with me
we could start again
How do you do it
make me feel like I do
how do you do it
it's better than I ever knew, ooh
Meet me in outer space
I will hold you close
if your afraid of heights
I need you to see this place
it might be the only way
that I can show you how
it feels to be inside of you
How do you do it
make me feel like I do
how do you do it
it's better than I ever knew, ooh
how do you do it
make me feel like I do
Do, oh oh oh oh oh
you are stellar
you are stellar
How do you do it
make me feel like I do
how do you do it
it's better than I ever knew, ooh
how do you do it
make me feel like I do
how do you do it
make me feel like I do, yeah
Incubus
10.18.2003
Burroughs
went to the party and it was lame. went to mike's and played guitar and it was cool. I'm pretty tired actually. I talked to Virginia and she's busy all week-end. lame.
I'm trying to decide if I want to smoke my last cigarette. I hate how it's 3 o'clock in the morning and i want to talk to someone. anyone. blood pumping. eyes blinking.
went to the party and it was lame. went to mike's and played guitar and it was cool. I'm pretty tired actually. I talked to Virginia and she's busy all week-end. lame.
I'm trying to decide if I want to smoke my last cigarette. I hate how it's 3 o'clock in the morning and i want to talk to someone. anyone. blood pumping. eyes blinking.
10.15.2003
I have a secret.
I dig librarians. If i knew some hottie librarian, i'd be her slave. She could make me alphabetize those magazines that everyone looks and i'd love it.
anyway I found this today and thought it was interesting.
Weblogs as Libraries
When I was 16 years old I thought Weezer was the coolest band in the whole world. Crazy things have happened in my life over the past 5 years.
Say it ain't so
I still love Weezer
check this out too:
Rivers is looking older too
I dig librarians. If i knew some hottie librarian, i'd be her slave. She could make me alphabetize those magazines that everyone looks and i'd love it.
anyway I found this today and thought it was interesting.
Weblogs as Libraries
When I was 16 years old I thought Weezer was the coolest band in the whole world. Crazy things have happened in my life over the past 5 years.
Say it ain't so
I still love Weezer
check this out too:
Rivers is looking older too
10.14.2003
Mother mother fuck. I just wrote a great entry and it surfed on out into the void.
Summary:
Talked to Virginia and she said that she "has a lot going on" and she "doesn't want to hurt me"
1. a lot going on translates to she's seeing someone else
2. my balls would have to be cut off before I would say some girl hurt me.
I've been through too much to give a fuck. Anyone who listens to Nirvana (and if you don't you should leave my page now) should bust out Bleach and listen to how bad-ass the solo is in Love Buzz. It's delicious.
"Keeps his cigarettes close to his heart"
swap meet-- Nirvana
Summary:
Talked to Virginia and she said that she "has a lot going on" and she "doesn't want to hurt me"
1. a lot going on translates to she's seeing someone else
2. my balls would have to be cut off before I would say some girl hurt me.
I've been through too much to give a fuck. Anyone who listens to Nirvana (and if you don't you should leave my page now) should bust out Bleach and listen to how bad-ass the solo is in Love Buzz. It's delicious.
"Keeps his cigarettes close to his heart"
swap meet-- Nirvana
10.12.2003
I had a wierd week-end. No I'm not going to talk about it. I'm just glad to be back in the nati. I drank with Virginia tonight and watched Cannibal the Musical. I'm really stoked about meeting her. Thank you madeline. We've had some really cool conversations. I showed her some of my pictures and other random stuff from my past. It was awesome, she actually seemed interested. You know how sometimes you'll show someone some of your pictures and they just kindof flip through them, well she actually looked at them and asked questions. It made me so happy.
time waits for no man.
"only in dreams
we'll see what it means" -Weezer
time waits for no man.
"only in dreams
we'll see what it means" -Weezer
10.03.2003
I've been playing my guitar like a madman and I need new strings already. i guess I'll just have to take it easy. No fucking way... Nothing will stop the noise!!! I just got off work and took a shower. Ah Clean.
My plans for the evening, cheap booze and good company. Hopefully. Otherwise I'll just have to drink myself stupid.
Monday is 'get things done' day. There are a couple of things I've been slacking on so I need to wrap those up.
Nap maybe?
My plans for the evening, cheap booze and good company. Hopefully. Otherwise I'll just have to drink myself stupid.
Monday is 'get things done' day. There are a couple of things I've been slacking on so I need to wrap those up.
Nap maybe?
