nick
2.28.2005
Friday night was awesome. After some miscommunication with Graham; Gina, Nick and I headed for the evenings events downtown. We stopped at Reid’s opening first and not much was going on. We left Gina’s car on 13th and walked to Main. Looking around at the scene of Main st. on a Friday night was quite exciting. Many people were out looking for a fun time and I would say that most found something to satisfy. Our crew jumped at the first sign of activity which was InkTank. The first room in the place is a shop where I really wanted to buy a t-shirt but everything else was junk. We found a spot on a well placed couch and watched as people meandered through looking just as lost as we felt. I tried to find things that the majority of people in the room would never look at. I noticed that the chair close to me had a ring on the arm-rest. I saw the shadows on the wall and questioned their placement in relation to myself. Gina was all smiles in anticipation of this nights events. Nick ventured across the street to buy beer and I was very surprised to see him walk in with a 6 of Sierra. I didn’t know you could find such a thing downtown. So we relaxed and drank and watched the first act sing uncomfortably onstage. The eyes of the crowd were begging for something delicious to taste but were left with crumbs.
After a short break some guy in a suit announced that poetry was about to be read and that waffles were being made in the back room. We stayed in place. The writers reading their own work seemed like shells of themselves. It was the crunchy outside that made the middle so unsatisfying.
I excused myself to leave the building for a piss. I almost stumbled past this remarkably clean bar until I figured that if there is anyplace to piss at this time of night, it’s this place. I go straight to the bar, order a gin and tonic, and find my way to the pisser. When I come out, much less anxious, I find that a gentleman is sitting where my drink is. The busty blond at the bar laughs and asks the guy to move down. I say I’m sorry and a conversation begins.
“I’m down here for final Friday. They have all the art galleries open for free tonight.”
“Is that what’s going on?”
“I guess there’s a lot going on.”
“You a student?”
”No… well I’m learning to work with glass. I work at this glassblowing studio up on McMillan.”
"Why Glass?"
"It's fucking hot. When the guys are in the hotshop it's this dance with the glass. When I assist, I have to be in step with the blower. The glass is very sensual."
“You must be good with the ladies.”
“I try... sometimes.”
We talked about Cincinnati, bars and women. One of them costing more than the others. We explained our perspectives and respected eachother for our honesty. He said to not get married. He said that things are always different from another angle. He told me about his broken marriage and his struggling daughter. He told me the difference between white women and black women. He bought me a few drinks.
I had left my friends at the gallery but had not forgotten them. They came in and immediately saw that I was involved in an interesting conversation. We ordered a few more drinks and I offered my new bar-friend an alleywalk smoke. He declined with grace and we said our goodbyes. On our walk we found a strange intersection of building that seemed like a sort of courtyard without the yard. We passed the joint around and found ourselves back in the thick of Friday night action.
Base Gallery is a small place with oddly shaped rooms. With the flick of my square I thrust myself through the door not knowing what to expect. The show was an exhibition of high school students’ work and a mingling of other artists as well. The best work I saw were these two silver gel prints of tattoed female torsos’. I almost pulled one of them off the wall to scream the beauty I saw.
“Does it make you wet?” Gina asked me.
“I do not have a moisture problem if that’s what you’re asking.”
We did not stay long and our next stop was far more polka. Nick knew about this bar and so we stroll in past the guy at the door selling over-priced pizza slices. Several guys standing around the place were decked out in leiderhousen and some most excellent suspenders. For some reason one of the guys come over to our table and asked if we wanted to hear some music. I didn’t know if these guys were the bar band of the evening or if they just walked in off the street like we did but I was stoked. They played a couple songs and we sang along to waltzified ‘Satisfaction’ with our beers in the air. It was difficult to leave such a wonderful festive place but we were all well into our drinking and someone had to drive us home. When we got to the car Gina said that she had left her lights on. She set off her car alarm to get in the car and then it wouldn’t start.
I called Graham to rescue us and told Nick and Gina to wait for me while I walked up the street. Graham said he was on his way so I waited on a corner where I knew he would find me. He pulled up after a few minutes and we drove to where Gina’s car had been parked, and was no longer parked. We stopped and questioned eachother as to where Gina and Nick were. We had no idea other than to go where they would be most likely to find us. When we got to the studio and they were not around we decided to go party instead of waiting around.
The last party was pretty lame except for the layers story. That’s just how we do.
After a short break some guy in a suit announced that poetry was about to be read and that waffles were being made in the back room. We stayed in place. The writers reading their own work seemed like shells of themselves. It was the crunchy outside that made the middle so unsatisfying.
I excused myself to leave the building for a piss. I almost stumbled past this remarkably clean bar until I figured that if there is anyplace to piss at this time of night, it’s this place. I go straight to the bar, order a gin and tonic, and find my way to the pisser. When I come out, much less anxious, I find that a gentleman is sitting where my drink is. The busty blond at the bar laughs and asks the guy to move down. I say I’m sorry and a conversation begins.
“I’m down here for final Friday. They have all the art galleries open for free tonight.”
“Is that what’s going on?”
“I guess there’s a lot going on.”
“You a student?”
”No… well I’m learning to work with glass. I work at this glassblowing studio up on McMillan.”
"Why Glass?"
"It's fucking hot. When the guys are in the hotshop it's this dance with the glass. When I assist, I have to be in step with the blower. The glass is very sensual."
“You must be good with the ladies.”
“I try... sometimes.”
We talked about Cincinnati, bars and women. One of them costing more than the others. We explained our perspectives and respected eachother for our honesty. He said to not get married. He said that things are always different from another angle. He told me about his broken marriage and his struggling daughter. He told me the difference between white women and black women. He bought me a few drinks.
I had left my friends at the gallery but had not forgotten them. They came in and immediately saw that I was involved in an interesting conversation. We ordered a few more drinks and I offered my new bar-friend an alleywalk smoke. He declined with grace and we said our goodbyes. On our walk we found a strange intersection of building that seemed like a sort of courtyard without the yard. We passed the joint around and found ourselves back in the thick of Friday night action.
Base Gallery is a small place with oddly shaped rooms. With the flick of my square I thrust myself through the door not knowing what to expect. The show was an exhibition of high school students’ work and a mingling of other artists as well. The best work I saw were these two silver gel prints of tattoed female torsos’. I almost pulled one of them off the wall to scream the beauty I saw.
“Does it make you wet?” Gina asked me.
“I do not have a moisture problem if that’s what you’re asking.”
We did not stay long and our next stop was far more polka. Nick knew about this bar and so we stroll in past the guy at the door selling over-priced pizza slices. Several guys standing around the place were decked out in leiderhousen and some most excellent suspenders. For some reason one of the guys come over to our table and asked if we wanted to hear some music. I didn’t know if these guys were the bar band of the evening or if they just walked in off the street like we did but I was stoked. They played a couple songs and we sang along to waltzified ‘Satisfaction’ with our beers in the air. It was difficult to leave such a wonderful festive place but we were all well into our drinking and someone had to drive us home. When we got to the car Gina said that she had left her lights on. She set off her car alarm to get in the car and then it wouldn’t start.
I called Graham to rescue us and told Nick and Gina to wait for me while I walked up the street. Graham said he was on his way so I waited on a corner where I knew he would find me. He pulled up after a few minutes and we drove to where Gina’s car had been parked, and was no longer parked. We stopped and questioned eachother as to where Gina and Nick were. We had no idea other than to go where they would be most likely to find us. When we got to the studio and they were not around we decided to go party instead of waiting around.
The last party was pretty lame except for the layers story. That’s just how we do.
Hunter S. Thompson is dead. As I started writing Graham walked in with a heavy stride and sadness on his face. He and I have been having an argument for the past two weeks about art. I don’t really even know what the hell is going on with us, but now our hero is dead. Hunter was an old man on a peacock ranch with satellite television. I have no idea why he decided to die but he did it. I don’t think that Hunter ever expected to survive life but he went out into the world anyway and said what do you got? I feel like being a writer naturally distances one from everything else. I am always listening, and watching and every moment is a possible story. I may not always participate or speak my mind but I am always looking for an angle. Every person I talk to is an encyclopedia of life. Every story is different and experience is the fastest form of knowledge.
2.13.2005
So it's 8 am and I'm still very awake. I just wrote Sara an intoxicated e-mail which I hope comes off as I meant it.
I'm thinking about going to the roof and taking a picture. Today is now and it cannot be wasted or neglected in away way. Last night showed me that anything is possible if you have people who care. If you have 3 people who are passionate about one thing then anything is possible. fuck if you are one person and you care enough about something then it will get done. I'm very passive sometimes. It's rare that I actually take the chance and fucking do something.
John said tonight, "Everything is different now." I know what he means.
Last night I skated the best run of my entire life. I was so loose and I just felt like thrashing. I started skating and as soon as I got on the ramp I just couldn't stop until I fell or couldn't skate anymore. It was so sick. I wish that I could get good pictures of me skating so I could show you. i guess these pics from tonight will have to do.........
I'm thinking about going to the roof and taking a picture. Today is now and it cannot be wasted or neglected in away way. Last night showed me that anything is possible if you have people who care. If you have 3 people who are passionate about one thing then anything is possible. fuck if you are one person and you care enough about something then it will get done. I'm very passive sometimes. It's rare that I actually take the chance and fucking do something.
John said tonight, "Everything is different now." I know what he means.
Last night I skated the best run of my entire life. I was so loose and I just felt like thrashing. I started skating and as soon as I got on the ramp I just couldn't stop until I fell or couldn't skate anymore. It was so sick. I wish that I could get good pictures of me skating so I could show you. i guess these pics from tonight will have to do.........
2.10.2005
"I miss you."
"I know..."
sometimes things change fast as hell and sometimes they just fucking crawl by. I'm not excited about seeing you again. not yet. I wish i was. I've been thinking about faith. Not the mother mary jesus christ kind of faith but do I believe in something enough to die for it. Given the chance I would die for skateboarding, love, freedom, and the ocean because it's the biggest body of water around. Maybe liquid is the only thing that's important to me. I guess that's everything.
There's just not enough time. I'm so impatient yet so non-commital at the same time. I want right now to be the best time of my life. I guess it could be. I want to understand why I make things difficult for myself. This complication is mine. I created it and I can make it stop. unattainable. is it true. I desire these things that I know are not possible. I want to work on a sail boat but I'm 600 miles from the nearest ocean. I want to commit to the studio more than anything I've ever stuck with. Skateboarding has been my one motivation for quite some time and I don't see giving up on it any time soon. No one can tell me I'm wrong about skating because they don't know. They don't know the quiet parking lots at 3 in the morning the way I do. They can't say I failed because I never stopped trying.
I Love life. It sucks sometimes, people suck sometimes, but I am the calm center of my universe. THis is the dark silence that haunts my mind at night. You are the light.
"I know..."
sometimes things change fast as hell and sometimes they just fucking crawl by. I'm not excited about seeing you again. not yet. I wish i was. I've been thinking about faith. Not the mother mary jesus christ kind of faith but do I believe in something enough to die for it. Given the chance I would die for skateboarding, love, freedom, and the ocean because it's the biggest body of water around. Maybe liquid is the only thing that's important to me. I guess that's everything.
There's just not enough time. I'm so impatient yet so non-commital at the same time. I want right now to be the best time of my life. I guess it could be. I want to understand why I make things difficult for myself. This complication is mine. I created it and I can make it stop. unattainable. is it true. I desire these things that I know are not possible. I want to work on a sail boat but I'm 600 miles from the nearest ocean. I want to commit to the studio more than anything I've ever stuck with. Skateboarding has been my one motivation for quite some time and I don't see giving up on it any time soon. No one can tell me I'm wrong about skating because they don't know. They don't know the quiet parking lots at 3 in the morning the way I do. They can't say I failed because I never stopped trying.
I Love life. It sucks sometimes, people suck sometimes, but I am the calm center of my universe. THis is the dark silence that haunts my mind at night. You are the light.
2.05.2005
Graham and I had a gig tonight at Pleasant Perk. Ellie called me last night and asked if I could play so I said hell yeah. We played for about an hour and a half and just jammed our way through it. It was a little sloppy on some of the endings but what do you expect for 1 days notice. It was a lot of fun and now Micah and Sarah are on their way here to party. Woo-Hoo.
I had a conversation with Sara about cycles and how I'm really in and out of things sometimes. This is not new to me but I guess she's starting to relate to the seperation from normality. Whatever the fuck that is. It's like floods, every once in awhile the river overfills with it's muck and gets very restless.
I had a conversation with Sara about cycles and how I'm really in and out of things sometimes. This is not new to me but I guess she's starting to relate to the seperation from normality. Whatever the fuck that is. It's like floods, every once in awhile the river overfills with it's muck and gets very restless.
1.30.2005
I've been writing in the work gallery a lot recently which overlooks downtown cincy.
The thick clouds shoulder the towers of the city. I see flashing lights and moving cars but no people. I know they're down there, starving and itching in the cold. I know alleyways with heat exhaust comfort. I see shining shoes passing the empty bellies. I know cups of soup for a dollar and change. I know the lonesomeness of being surrounded by people.
At least we see eachother sometimes. Reaching out in the rain for understanding. These shoes hurt and it's too cold to stop walking. Don't have anywhere to stop walking anyhow. Maybe a beer or two to drown this shame. These clothes are not much help but they keep the wind off. The warehouse down central is open and you can get in if you can take the smell. shit smell and burnt shit smell. It's dry and no one will hurt you as long as you don't bother them. the junk and funk ties arms to stillness but there's nothing else. I don't care. I just need a drink. a taste?
There's this guy on 13th that sells blow to art school kids. What else are they going to do with all that time and their parents money. Buy art supplies. The only people drinking cough syrup are kids without parents. It's free if you know why. This is a chemical town running on chemical resources and bathed in chemical facial products. The only thing left natural is us, sometimes. If I could buy anti-deppresants maybe I'd feel a little less like killing people for my speed. Uppers downers turn-arounders the only side-effects are loss of individualism and freedom.
But I need this prescription world. I can't be me without this. I can't think to see without it. I won't be free without... struggle.
The thick clouds shoulder the towers of the city. I see flashing lights and moving cars but no people. I know they're down there, starving and itching in the cold. I know alleyways with heat exhaust comfort. I see shining shoes passing the empty bellies. I know cups of soup for a dollar and change. I know the lonesomeness of being surrounded by people.
At least we see eachother sometimes. Reaching out in the rain for understanding. These shoes hurt and it's too cold to stop walking. Don't have anywhere to stop walking anyhow. Maybe a beer or two to drown this shame. These clothes are not much help but they keep the wind off. The warehouse down central is open and you can get in if you can take the smell. shit smell and burnt shit smell. It's dry and no one will hurt you as long as you don't bother them. the junk and funk ties arms to stillness but there's nothing else. I don't care. I just need a drink. a taste?
There's this guy on 13th that sells blow to art school kids. What else are they going to do with all that time and their parents money. Buy art supplies. The only people drinking cough syrup are kids without parents. It's free if you know why. This is a chemical town running on chemical resources and bathed in chemical facial products. The only thing left natural is us, sometimes. If I could buy anti-deppresants maybe I'd feel a little less like killing people for my speed. Uppers downers turn-arounders the only side-effects are loss of individualism and freedom.
But I need this prescription world. I can't be me without this. I can't think to see without it. I won't be free without... struggle.
1.21.2005
we got lost in space
headed to joe's place
on a spun saturday afternoon
the smoke signals faded
feeling homeland jaded and
mis-communicated
through mixed emotions
the ebb and the flow
struggle to let go
and can never be the same
wash and repeat
grab a seat
the show is just getting started
I've been waiting in the wings
for what I feel is mine
my moment to shine
"a story for all sinners"
I whisper to the crowd
"the things we hold a sacred,
are never said aloud"
headed to joe's place
on a spun saturday afternoon
the smoke signals faded
feeling homeland jaded and
mis-communicated
through mixed emotions
the ebb and the flow
struggle to let go
and can never be the same
wash and repeat
grab a seat
the show is just getting started
I've been waiting in the wings
for what I feel is mine
my moment to shine
"a story for all sinners"
I whisper to the crowd
"the things we hold a sacred,
are never said aloud"
1.16.2005
1.12.2005
You are connected to me throught these words. When you read my thoughts as thoughts of your own and interpret them, I become part of you. This transends our typical interactions with reality, which are often so passive. This direct telepathy that we are involved in is the root of understanding. As you consume this mental energy you will compare the experience to all of your other experiences and hopefully relate.
Together we are greater than ourselves. Together we are growing and changing in infinite ways. Today has never been before and never will be again. Flux is the only constant. You are now a different person.
Now you can choose. There are infinite paths laid out before you. None of them have ever been traveled before. The only fear is in inaction. You can choose not to choose.
Together we are greater than ourselves. Together we are growing and changing in infinite ways. Today has never been before and never will be again. Flux is the only constant. You are now a different person.
Now you can choose. There are infinite paths laid out before you. None of them have ever been traveled before. The only fear is in inaction. You can choose not to choose.
1.09.2005
So... Sara and I broke up last night. It's for the best. Baltimore is a very good place for Sara to be but only if she can be there 100%. I can't take that experience away from her. We talked for quite awhile and we were both relieved (i think) and now niether of us can say bad things about eachother.
I took this picture yesterday after I had been waiting for Sara to come see me for like 48 hours. I knew the seperation was coming and my face shows it.
SO last night I got really drunk. We got a large bottle of rum and i drank most of it. I got graham to punch me in the face. We sang songs to eachother for awhile and played guitar. until we got too drunk. I'm headed out to the manor for the first time in like 3 days. oh well.
I took this picture yesterday after I had been waiting for Sara to come see me for like 48 hours. I knew the seperation was coming and my face shows it.
SO last night I got really drunk. We got a large bottle of rum and i drank most of it. I got graham to punch me in the face. We sang songs to eachother for awhile and played guitar. until we got too drunk. I'm headed out to the manor for the first time in like 3 days. oh well.
1.05.2005
1.04.2005
Shelter
oil drips across my face
and it tastes like murder
these generations of working class
are protecting themselves with plastic
perhaps we need something other
than the compromise of debt
and regrets of production
we make it and they sell it to us
packaged in our own flesh
you'll never get laid without this
fresh new face
low carb beer
take this pill dear
it will make you smarter
nevermind the side-effects
or the irritation
of your insulation
we kill ourselves for some Freedom tax
and buy a fancy cage
because one prison is better than another
and this one just happens to be on sale
oil drips across my face
and it tastes like murder
these generations of working class
are protecting themselves with plastic
perhaps we need something other
than the compromise of debt
and regrets of production
we make it and they sell it to us
packaged in our own flesh
you'll never get laid without this
fresh new face
low carb beer
take this pill dear
it will make you smarter
nevermind the side-effects
or the irritation
of your insulation
we kill ourselves for some Freedom tax
and buy a fancy cage
because one prison is better than another
and this one just happens to be on sale
1.01.2005
12.30.2004
12.27.2004
Every day is special for gift giving. Not just Christmas.
Sara and I are going on a date tonight. It's going to be so fun. We're planning on going ice-skating. I've never done it so i'm pretty excited.
My trip home was chill. I got to see everyone I wanted to see and stayed away from bullshit as much as possible. I stayed at Cera's house for a couple days and drank a lot of beer. She's been hanging out with some new people that I don't know and it's strange to me. I used to know everyone is that fucking town. now I hardly know anyone she hangs out with.
I got to go to Florence indoor skatepark with Micah Bikah. It was so much fun. They're building a pocket with a hip on the backside of the 6 to 8ft ramp.
Other than that I got to hang out with my dad a lot and we played some chess and just chilled. We watched a lot of tv and he told me a couple stories a couple times.
all Love
Sara and I are going on a date tonight. It's going to be so fun. We're planning on going ice-skating. I've never done it so i'm pretty excited.
My trip home was chill. I got to see everyone I wanted to see and stayed away from bullshit as much as possible. I stayed at Cera's house for a couple days and drank a lot of beer. She's been hanging out with some new people that I don't know and it's strange to me. I used to know everyone is that fucking town. now I hardly know anyone she hangs out with.
I got to go to Florence indoor skatepark with Micah Bikah. It was so much fun. They're building a pocket with a hip on the backside of the 6 to 8ft ramp.
Other than that I got to hang out with my dad a lot and we played some chess and just chilled. We watched a lot of tv and he told me a couple stories a couple times.
all Love
12.15.2004
I'm releasing the panes
the shards and remains
of memories left burning
Ghosts on the wall
through charcoal rubbings
and they found mr. blunt
waiting in the ashes
All these things to explore
and it seems like no one is looking
you're painting shadows hoping
someone will see the light
we take the express
find it a dress
and someone will say it's pretty
the shards and remains
of memories left burning
Ghosts on the wall
through charcoal rubbings
and they found mr. blunt
waiting in the ashes
All these things to explore
and it seems like no one is looking
you're painting shadows hoping
someone will see the light
we take the express
find it a dress
and someone will say it's pretty
12.14.2004
I'm getting back in the swing of things here at the studio. It's cold as shit. It snowed today and there's a little on the ground. I hate it.
Thank you very very much Al for hosting my song. Anyone who wants to hear some of my music can save target as and listen. I hope you like it. You should e-mail me or comment here what you think. I'd really like some feedback. Haha!
We have a model coming in for us to draw tonight. It should be fun. I don't really draw that much so I might jump in.
Thank you very very much Al for hosting my song. Anyone who wants to hear some of my music can save target as and listen. I hope you like it. You should e-mail me or comment here what you think. I'd really like some feedback. Haha!
We have a model coming in for us to draw tonight. It should be fun. I don't really draw that much so I might jump in.
