I hiked into the valley today shovel and bucket in hand. On the decent I took off my sandals for more traction. As I passed the offering stone I realized that I had brought nothing with me save some dirt in the bottom of my bucket I sprinkled some dirt and kept walking. It's a long walk back to Morgan's and you must cross the river and water canals several times. I arrived at his doorstep to be told that he was taking a nap. I walked farther and stuck my feet into the river to read my book. I'm reading three books right now. 21 Lessons of Merlin, Hawkin's A Brief History of Time, and Big Sur by Jack Kerouac. These intermingling stories wove their way through my mind as I looked up to the double waterfalls bringing life into the valley. I read for some time and enjoyed the fresh water flowing over my feet. The sky was overcast but it usually is there. After awhile I got up and collected my things and headed back to Morgan's house. He was awake and joyfully invited me in for some ono grinds. Ahi rice and some sort of veggie stuff filled me with delight it was so good. Morgan had other guests so we talked and discussed what we were about to do. On Wed. I loaded some awa (ava, kava) plants into his truck for delivery for me to plant later. We grabbed the plants and tools walking the short distance to where he planned the plants would go. We crossed a loe' (low-e i'm not sure how it's spelled, it's like a rice pattie) to a bank that looked great. Morning shade afternoon sun. We smoked and discussed the light and the dark. I mentioned everything focussing to a grey and he liked it. I told him of my dreams and my fear of moving into the valley. He told me to keep dreaming and the valley will be ready when I'm ready for the valley. It's such a humbling place to be and he really has a mystic connection to the otherworld. THe ancients still reside in that sacred valley watching and breathing life into it and into everything around all of us. The aina (I-nah, land) is always ready for eager hands to work on it. It gives and gives and as I'm standing over this new home for the awa I whisper mahalo mahalo thank you thank you Waipio (y p o) thank you for your blessings. time will answer all questions. My feet are tired but my mind is shining as I head back up the hill. It is difficult and I only stop once for water but I make it. My travels have just started.

I'm changing my mind about the rest of my life every 40 minutes. It's getting very tiring. art school living off the land start a band with my dad sailboat that short story i wrote or poems pomes avec toi late night city walks revolutionary talks guide mind missles at the man. What will I choose?
I buried a dead cow yesterday. Today I go to the rodeo. Tommorow I plant Awa in Waipio and the next day I have no idea. I can walk into a crowded room where everyone wants to talk to me and I'll feel lonely. There have been few souls that made me feel at home and none of them are here. Am I going to be some homeless wanderer for the rest of my days? Where can get get the best return on my investment. I'm feeling old, like my mind doesn't work anymore and my hearing is going just as fast. Will i ever be satisfied with who I am? IS it going to get worse? I don't even know what I want anymore. It's all a dream that seems vaugly in context to something real. I think I'm homesick without a home. I think I'm failing.

it's a blue sky night on this blue sea world. I've been offered land in heaven, and i feel like i can't say no, like it would be some truly tragic existance if i didn't go for it. I'll meet graham in cali in aug. and drive with him back to indiana where he'll drop me off for awhile. I need to be with my dad for awhile before i really take the plunge into living off the land in the valley. I'm scared as shit but that's normal for me when i'm about to do something really good for me. when i don't care is when i get into trouble. i don't want to spend the rest of my life in jail or a slave to money. I'd rather barder my labor for my food than involve any sort of profit from my actions. Although I can make money from selling organic chocolate and other food either via mail, or a horse or a sailboat. I feel like i'm finally going to invest myself in the rest of my life. Make a world nay a glorious life for myself. I said that revolution is growing your own food and now I'm starting to understand what that means. It's a lot of work, but I'll have a lot of time to work in the fields. I'm imagining a treehouse suspended above a 5 ft. miniramp on stilts of course because of the water levels. I'll learn to fish and grow rice and all the vegatables i need. There's a watermill generating electricity so I can play my electric down there no problem. I'll record my music and write odes to waterfalls. I'll surf everymorning take baths in the river at night. I'll turn myself to light... stay tuned.

most of my life I've wanted to be somewhere else. Somewhere amazing that was not where I was at that moment. I look at old pictures of myself and see myself thinking about where I am right now. Hawaii... the ocean... the fire... KAVA...

I feel like a fool tonight. Everyone below is partying and having fun and I'm worried about the gate and the farm and making sure things are secure. Zack gave us all orange tank-top shirts that say SECURITY on the back. I fall over a bench, and I hear someone chuckle because I"M SUpposed to be holding it together. I guess it's all in good sport but I don't appreciate being a mockery.
I guess I'm going to start walking down the hill because I couldn't drive up.


ha[[y mothers day




how does it feel how does it feelto be on your ownwith no direction home acommplete unkonw like a rolling stone

Amanda was updating her blog a couple nights ago and I told her that I don't really read anyone's blogs, she called me an asshole. I read Al's pretty often but mostly I just post here, read my mail, and then get off the computer. It was his birthday a couple weeks ago and I did not wish him happy birthday, in fact I never have. I guess that makes me an asshole too. So in order to try and peak into the lives of others more often I'm putting up a list of everyone's blogs. If you have one that is not on this list please e-mail me the link and I will gladly put it up.
Taylor put up a comment on the music video clip I put up saying that she's watched it 80 billion times and I should be scared. I can't tell if these messages she's sending me are to make me feel better about myself for having a gorgeous women write to me, or she's a pseudo-stalker. Either way I'm glad that she thinks about me. I really wish I knew her better. I mean I talked to her like once in person and a couple times on the phone and she says "I think I Love you." I think that's awesome.

So this week we're preparing for the big Kava party that we're having on the cliffs. We hung up tarps for rain cover and build the fire circle. Tonight is Matt's last night so we're gonna get drizzunk! I'm kindof tired so I might lay down or take a shower. Amanda is having fun except for occassional boredom, but I'm going through that too. My health has taken a dramatic turn for the worst I fear. I feel week and my face is all broken out. I generally feel like ripping my face off. I'm itchy and pathetic feeling. It doesn't seem like it's going to go away any time soon but hopefully I'll get better.

The sun is warming the right side of my face this morning as I look out to endless sea. I imagine someone in california looking this way seeing what's between us. big puffy clouds loom over the horizon and i wonder how far and large they are. i am the line that seperates mauka and makai, mountain and monstrous sea. Ripples slither my way so gentle from my view yet I know they crash with mist spray and churning delight on black rock below. I feel a trembling underfoot and think of Pele but realize that the beast is not the earth spewing goddess but just this dirty dog belly. I skratch my hairy face dry skin salt lick from sweat. I smoke away my failure to quit.
It's still early and I'm the only one out of bed. soon the warehouse will be busy with breakfast smells and public radio news, waiting for the bathroom. sunday brings few plans and little action sofar, perhaps i'll go to the cliffs. at the end of the gully stands a good 40 ft. drop to the crashing waves below. For some fucked reason the locals that were last down there cut out rope ladder. i will have to free climb down to get it and i'm not looking forward to it. I hear movement and maybe I can get the troops to venture with me.
Sharp spear and I get near the leaving. We gather our tools for fishy murder, snorkel and mask. So into the jeep we bump our way down to the cliffs. Once we limbo under the fence line it's into the gully climbing down large roots and rocks of all sizes. you'll notice the water marks tracing there way to the ocean. since the ladder had been cut we threw a rope down the cliff and climbed down. We all got out onto this big rock where tubloads of water rained down on us. We laugh so hard because the water pushes us around with it's force. We stayed for quite some time cheering for big waves until they started getting bigger. They were already good 10 ft. waves and the big ones were coming in at least 15 ft. We scrambled back up the cliff before they got too big and swallowed us whole into the whitewash below. Topside was sun and rock climbing and a nap. I took some pictures and video of pools and a rock sculpture I made.

I've been sick the past couple days. Sleeping mostly. Amanda will be here on Thur. and I hope I'm better by then. Everyone went out on there typical weekend excursions to all parts of the island while I laid on my futon. I wake up sweating and my bones feel like lead. I spent an hour last night trying to vomit hoping it would make me feel better. It did not. At least it's the week-end and I don't have to try to work while I feel like this.

thoughts thinking in a manner of speaking
Hamakua coast dreams pounding like fat raindrops
on tin sin say it a gain cruise in aloha grin morning
sing to the sky
water reflection connection density disection makes rainbows
my mind goes grows tree covered rows for glory
high slow down low day in the sun I feel fine and fine
oh yeah I give my mighty YALP
watch it hit the sea and shimmer glipse the glimmer
in black stone lava swirls down the coast curl border between liquid and land
what are my crazy adventures without my crazy friends lonely
but this is a sardine can world full of slime
little dead fish pieces
foil foibles free slide rule reality
what's to measure memory
we are the wi-fi network interface
gratuitous space
post post haste my letters home
or what's left of it

While I was in Kona last week I met this smoking hot girl named Jenny. She's from Miami and is spending the week on the island. We talked and hit it off but I had to leave to be back at the farm the next day. She gave me her number and I walked away wanting more.
A couple days later I called and she was surprised. Hot girl gives me her phone number, how could I not call. I told her that I would be back in Kona on thur. or fri. and she said she was excited to hang out with me again. I mentioned beers, she said she was stoked. I figure I'll call her and meet her at the Kava bar and then walk down to the beach. Finally someone that can carry on a conversation and look good doing it.

In other news I'm going through music withdraw. The radio here (as with most places) completely sucks. The only thing even resembling rock and roll is the Nu-Metal that gets played on the local clear-channel station. Vomit. THere's a record store in Waimea that I'm going to have to check out. I'm interested in the new Built to Spill cd and also I heard that Portishead has a strange new albumn. I'm sure that Amanda is not only going to have good music with her but also a lot of stuff I've never heard. I've been playing acoustic stuff with Kyle and that's been a lot of fun.

I worked on a painting tonight that I'm pretty happy with. I need some color as it is just black and white. My creative thoughts have been on my longhouse for the past couple weeks. I started it on Sat. and got some of the posts cut and stripped. I spotted out the location for my supports and I think it's going to work out well. I'll post pictures.
I was talking to my brother and he recently got interviewed for a blog documentary or a documentary about the people who started this damn thing. He made history in the first couple years of his blog by posting pictures he took with a watch-camera he has.

I miss drink and dialing my friends. unless I get drunk at like 8 or 9 at night it's too late to call anyone back home.
Someone drink and dial me damn-it!

I went to see the Clestine Prophesy movie last night. It was a one night showing presented by the Hawaii Spiritual Cinema. The opening shots of rain forest were beautiful but I immediately got the "Left Behind" feel from the film quality. I payed $10 to see the movie when I probably only would have paid 4 had I known better. The premise of the film is that an ancient manuscript is found in Peru and the church, government, and archeologist are all fighting for the right to have the scrolls. A laid off high school history teacher somehow finds his way to Peru to search for the scrolls himself. Typical american in Peru gets captured by rebels kind of thing happens and he has to find his way to the ancient ruins where the scrolls were originally found. The idea is good. You know be cool to one another and we will have a jump in human conscience. We can evolve out of our waring hateful ways.
Otherwise it's raining here today and I have to work.

THis building is located at the top of the farm. We also have a warehouse with kitchen, bathroom, and a dry closet for our extra stuff. I'm sitting in the office right now at the old-school barely 56k comp also in the office we have a drum kit and some guitars. All of this is with-in 100 yards of the main road that goes around the island.
So then on work days we all hop in the back of a truck and ride the 1/2 mile down to the fields. From the lowest kava field is a 200 yard walk to the cliffs which is about a 700 ft. drop straight down to the ocean.
Tues. is our first work day of the week. We get up around 6, 6:30 AM
have breakfast and then Zach shows up around 7AM huge as life. He's very exuberant. We have our joint meeting and discuss what we're going to do for the day and head down at 8AM. I'll tell you what we did last week.
We've been cutting down a field of trees to make room for new Noni plants. (noni is a strange fruit that ferments itself like vinagar, good for the immune system among other things) We got the tractor and dug holes for the new plants. Some of us moved to the middle field to work on our new project of planting Vanilla. We're planting them around these smaller trees for shade and so the vines will grow up the branches. Sage brought the other tractor down and tilled the Kava field. The grass had gotten really tall so this was the easiest way to get rid of it. Then we go through the fields weeding and checking the irrigation lines. A lot of the farm that we're working with has been worked on for 3 to 5 years so it's just a matter of keeping the weeds down. It's not hard work and we have a lot of fun. We have some people who try to do as little as possible and that's really annoying. I care about this place quite a bit, and I want to see progress rather than just trying to keep up with the work we already have. Everything moves in cycles. There's one growing season here and it's all year long.
As for whats around. Honoka'a is a small village 2 miles up the road. There's a grocery, post-office, movie theatre (it's only open 4 days a week), a pizza place that's very over-priced, a cafe, library, and that's about it. Everything is more expensive here so I usually don't buy things unless I really have to or to get taro-banana pancakes at the cafe because they're so damned delicious. The only two things that are cheaper here than on the mainland is Coffee and Sushi. I like them both very much so I'm stoked.
There is so much beauty here to see. I've been a couple places but I mostly stay around the farm or go to Waimea to skate. Zach bought us a car last week. It's a 4 seater two-door but it's got a nice stereo cd player. I'm going to throw down some cash for insurance and then we can take it wherever. I want to put a rack on top so I can take a surf-board places. I've been hitch-hiking which is amazingly a pretty reliable way to get around. Either way it's pretty easy to get anywhere on the island you would want to go.

I have paint on my hands for the first time since cincy. Hmm the last time I painted was on my scroll. I wonder if Nick still has it? I took a bunch of scrap wood from the shop and painted them white waiting for the colors to come. I'm not a very good painter at all so practice practice.
My friend Amanda M. is coming out to live on the farm. I'm so excited about seeing her again. It's been like 3 years. I have a lot of stories for her as I'm sure she has more than of few of her own. Something about the 812... I don't miss it. I think she'll like it out here and really get into the farm. She's honestly the last person I thought would want to come out her. I don't know why, I guess I just imagine her living in a city. OF course I never thought that Strick would get married either.

I called Cera a couple weeks ago and told her that I was going to move in with her in Aug. It would be such a mistake to move back to the midwest. I would be miserable and dissapointed with myself for not moving west. I feel bad that I told her that but I was freaking out. Hell I'm stoked that she offered though. I miss her. I miss everyone. You mother fuckers will just have to come visit me.

Leslie. That song I sang that night at the Southgate House... It's coming true sooner than I expected.

So today I worked my first day in the woodshop. It was a lot of cleaning and cleaning but it was fun to look at all the tools and machinery. I'm drunmk. After work we came h9ome to take a shower and then went back to the shop. We playeeds music fro a while and it was fun. dust booogers.


Master of his own universe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Artwork: GreyIII Scale unknown

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. He to whom the emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand wrapped in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed. The insight into the mystery of life, coupled though it be with fear, has also given rise to religion. To know what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty, which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their most primitive forms- this knowledge, this feeling is at the center of true religiousness."
-Albert Einstien

I'm working with
half finished phrases
sunny rainy days
everything feels
like hesitation
I breath
I walk
I stare out at nothing
in particular
It's the sea-view
no clue lifestyle
that's bothering me
how can I work my way
out of this wet paper bag
I was destined
for this
I made it so
I let it all go
now I don't have
anyone to hold onto

I've been building
in my brain
a ship made from rain
and dirt and sky
why do I feel so content
no rent
no bills
no more amphetemine pills
to string me out
just as I get used to
a place I decide I need to leave

what's this life
that I'm leading
reading all the road signs
wrestle with all the lines
that I'm trying to write
what's right
no more light
to lead
me on
go home
roam alone
no bone
to pick
new stick
sick sick sick sick sick
it feels less like adventure
now that I've arrived

I gave my dad the address for this page. I've been writing here for around 4 years now and not once has he read any of it. Well here it is dad the unedited unscripted sometimes a bit rambling thought transmission to the universe at large.



This is me and Shaka my adopted Military Mackaw. He's got quite temper but for some reason he likes me pretty well.

My writing has completely stopped. I have some stories about some places here on the island that I've adventured to but no words seem to really express my joy in being here. It's kindof wierd how stoked I am every day that I wake up. It's not something I'm used to. Actually I miss wondering if I would make it through the day, or rather I miss trying hard. Most things are really easy-going here and I miss the intensity of the city. Chaos is something I enjoy and I take great amusement watching it happen around me.
THere has been some drama here... This Jamacan man named Congo moved onto the farm and at first he seemed like he would be a great person to have around. We were quite open to him but it was hard to understand what he was saying at times. This made him angry and that was just the start. He tried to convince us that we were the enemy and that it was his mission to end slackerdom such as ours. He raised a machette at me when I asked him why he wasn't working one day and then he left the farm. I let out a sigh of relief until the next week when he came back. Things adjusting and just when I thought things might be cool he storms into the warehouse screaming about corn. THat's right I said corn. Apparently he planted some corn in a weedy area in the garden and then Tai ran over it with the tractor. $3 worth of corn seed churned back into the earth and this guy freaks! He brandished once again a machette at Tai telling him he has to re-plant the corn. Tai is confused and scared but doesn't back down. THe next day Zach told Congo to leave. What a mess. No body parts were lost in the making of this story. Now Go Home!!

Woodford Music Festival

round-trip expenses about $8,000


anyone what to give me a loansky?

"Life on a manor was extremely hard for a peasant. It consisted of work and family life. Approximately ninety percent of the people in the middle ages were considered to be peasants. There was a division of the peasants into free and a type of indentured servants. The free peasants worked in their own independent businesses, usually as carpenters, blacksmiths, weavers, or bakers. They paid the lord a type of rent for using their small plots of land. The other, unfree peasants lived on the land without paying any money, but worked for the lord, earning their stay.
The large amount of land surrounding the castle provided a means for peasants to acquire enough money and food to live by farming. In fact, this is another extension of the fief idea. The average farmer was given a plot of land on which he could farm. He also got a sense of security by living near a castle and potential protection from danger. They also had the privilege of passing their land on through inheritance after their deaths. They had grazing and field rights around their village. They also had right to building materials in the area. They did not have right to hunt most wild game, however.
The lord also had a great deal of control over his peasants, known as serfs. In fact, the serfs were almost like slaves to the feudal lord. He had the right to grant marriages, tax anytime or anything, and to force them to use mills or ovens that he owned. He most often made his serfs work his own land."
http://library.thinkquest.org/10949/fief/lofeudal.html

THe waves are pretty chill today and so am I. I've been quiet today. Thinking about being lonely but I need to focus on my own actions. I miss the deep connection I shared with my friends. Everything (again) here is so transitory what is real one day is gone the next. It's like the rain. It'll rain for some of the day but the rest will be sunny. I want to share these emotions with someone. It's the same thing I wanted back in the natti just seems like less possibilities here. Less time.
I need someone to desire to care abour to hold at night while we dream together. I read my tarot last night and it was all transition new adventure stuff. All quite applicable to my current channel. I've got to relax about people. I've tried to to rid myself of my insecurities about my past. It's all bullshit drama that other people caused. I have to release these painful memeories that affect my relations with new people.
Speaking of new people. I have my eye on a very interesting attractive woman. I've never dated a red-head before and I think this girl is totally my stlye. I don't know if she's into me but I'll take it slow and find out more about her. She came out here for dolphins. That's hot.